Where within I write my feelings out in regards to a future event as a means to work through them.

So I don't date much, but I've either mentioned that before or it should not come at a big surprise. Why else would I be this interested in the concept of romantic love. A big part of this has to do with me having a hard time finding someone who is equal parts interested in dating me and I in turn being in equal parts interested in dating them. And therefore my friend has taken it upon herself to set me up with one of her friends. And I am thankful for that and there's no doubt about that.

The problem as I see it. I've had a girlfriend all of one time in my life. But it was an online relationship where we met once and awkwardly hung out with her cousin. But i don't think it was really a date. I'm 25 and I am hard pressed to find a memory of going on any date that was actually my own (I've interrupted, joined in on, and third wheeled other peoples dates, but that doesn't count). And as such I find myself  filled with an array of feelings(most of which are actually worry). I find myself excited at the prospect of the slim chance of this working out and becoming something.  I'm scared. Nope not scared, not worried, not excited or anticipating.  I'm  something about the chances of it not working out. But as mentioned above I am  mostly worried, now I am mostly worried almost all of the time but in this instant there are specific worries not general ones. I'm worried about whether she'll like me or not, inversely I am worried whether I will like her or not. I am worried about disappointing the friend who is setting us up, because she just seems so excited at the idea of us. I am worried I will do or say something stupid, scratch that since I am always worried that I will do or say something stupid, but especially in this instant. What do people even talk about on dates? Themselves while at the same time trying to be interested in the other person. I know from experience telling people too much too soon is a problem for me. Then what? I probably shouldn't resort to much usual topics of awkward conversation: giraffe sex and bread preferences. This is all of course if I am not too nervous to actually speak. Which I once again worry is a distinct possibility.

But I will say that this time I am doing the smart thing, because the last time I had plans to meet someone with romantic intent I didn't. I'm not putting all my eggs into one basket. I'm not quitting the dating sites/apps.  Im not stopping my search. And I won't not until I know. Know it's something real, something more than a date. So that's a step in the right direction right?