Terms of Endearment are Stupid

Now coming from me where I've written several posts on the nicknames I've given to friends, terms of endearment might seem like something that I’d be all for but I’m not, the opposite actually. I mean what can be said about terms of endearment? They’re not cute or cunning; they’re annoying and stupid, ridiculous and unoriginal. Over the years they've changed and evolved, but one thing they've kept is that they’re supposed to be used in a loving way…

But that all changed when the Fire Nation attacked, except not really, though it has been changing progressively. Because now you can hear in commonplace “bitch” or just “woman” being used, and not with a negative tone. They are now used in the same manner that sweetie or dear were once used. When did this change? When did calling someone a “bitch” become something good? But the change of usage was not reclamation or a re-purposing of those words, because had that been the case it would have been an absolute one. Whereas “bitch“is still an angry word as well as an insulting one word as well. This change had to have come from somewhere, and my theory is that this change is rooted in mainstream rap and hip-hop music. To quote Bo Burnham “I feel like hip hop used to be a voice for the voiceless, you know, and now it’s become at least in  the mainstream  a symbol of misogyny” and this just proves I am not the only one who thinks this way. But even if this started in hip hop now the lyrics in other musical genres have taken to being corrupted with misogynistic slurs. This has only lead to the further support of negative language in commonplace society.

Now you might be thinking that having just that reason as to why I believe terms of endearment are stupid, and guess what, that’s not the only reason.

But just think about those “cutesy” pet names, you've got baby, babe, honey, muffin, dear, Snookums, etc. So you know, comparisons to infants, or foods, actually dear isn't that bad, I think it’s the only acceptable one. But even then it is still non-personal, quite generic, and it makes me think I should swerve out of the way (dear and deer, get it). Then there is Snookums or similar pet names, they always remind me of those names that Aunt Petunia call Dudley, and I mean who wants to be Dudley anyway? And comparing your romantic partner (RP) to an infant is wrong, and it’s not just the pedophilic undertones. Also it gives a sense of helplessness or weakness in your RP. And you are supposed to strengthen them not bring them down. The food comparison is less harsh though you could attribute calling your RP food names a desire to either consume all that you can from them. Or they could also get from it that you feel like you need you RP to survive and neediness is never a good thing to project in a relationship. So those “cutesy” pet names, if you didn’t realize it by now are demeaning, and are not particularly healthy for relationships or even potential ones.

Post Script: Though I said dear was acceptable, being greeted with “Hello Sweetie” also is acceptable but only if they know they are quoting Doctor Who. Also as you can probably tell I am really bad at posting things, this was supposed to be for around Valentines Day.

On graffiti, Street art and bathroom walls.

Now, there is no way that I could be considered by any means imaginable an expert or even overly knowledgeable on the topic of street art. But that being said it is something I have an opinion on, and something I have thought about. Art if done well is something that should be for everyone to see. Also art should invoke some variety of emotional response in those who see it. And though street art accomplishes the first part quite successfully, a common response to the second part is anger, and it is considered “defacing public property” or vandalism. This also sometimes results in the removal of the art, now by removal I also mean destruction. And I could easily relate destroying art to burning books, but therein also lies the problem: “What is street art, what is graffiti and what makes them different from vandalism?”

Now we could get into a discussion on the question of “what is art?” but how I see it “Art is a form of personal expression that is manifested in a displayable manner.” So that would make street art “a form of personal expression manifested in a publicly displayed manner” and yes in some ways this could also include tagging, when done artistically anyway. Now graffiti is nearly as difficult to describe properly, and this is because graffiti resembles vandalism more so that street art. This is because graffiti is almost literally “Writings on the wall,” and distinguishing between what is actual graffiti and what is vandalistic scribbling is the difficult part. Well actually not that difficult. You can distinguish it by asking one question: “Can it be part of an intelligible conversation?” And this works both ways, if it is intelligible it is graffiti, and if not, then it falls in with destroying public property under the category of vandalism.

You might be asking yourselves what exactly does this have to do with bathroom walls. Well that’s simple; we need a place for this graffiti to happen. Where better to start this new wave of intellectual graffiti than where the worst of graffiti lives. Excuse me while I set the scene, there you are sitting on the toilet and your stomach it telling you that you’re going to be there for a while. You have no book, no newspaper, or anything else to distract you while waiting there, so you look up at the walls and what do you see: advice on sexual partners, unprovoked profanity, and speculation on peoples’ sexual preferences, or any other number of crude things. (So needless to say, things that only remind you of your current situation.) But what if when you looked up, and what you saw written on the wall was the beginnings of a philosophical discussion, an interesting quote by some famous so and so, or even a well written dirty limerick or a bad pun. Something that gets your mind working, and that makes a good distraction, so you don’t think on the waste that is being purged from your body, and being distracted in that situation makes the whole thing just an however slightly so more bearable experience.

Post Script: I’ve written two versions of this. Not going to say what my plans are for the second. But I do like how I ended it more simply because I ended it with a quote from somewhere in the universe of Joss Whedon. Now I have this post scheduled and hopefully the other version will be out around the same time.

Nostalgically Romantic

So I thought of this concept earlier last week when something happened. I saw someone on last Wednesday that I haven't see in many years, and she got me thinking. Of course it was a woman who got me thinking, but this one is a little special, and not because anything special happened between us, but because she was my first... non-celebrity crush.

Now I could go on about her, and I will a little because it will help me make my future point. She was one of the popular girls, I was the bullied kid, but she was really nice to me. I thought she was cute, and still is. Her and her family just like mine weren't the richest or most privileged, she was also for a while there the girl next door well across the street, well it wasn't really a street she lived across from me in this low income housing complex. (Yes, I do know how cliché I that was; I don't apologize for being young).

Okay, back to my original concept of being nostalgically romantic, or nostalgically attracted to someone. But actually it is quite simple. Nostalgia: pleasure and sadness that is caused by remembering something from the past and wishing that you could experience it again. And so seeing someone you were once romantically interested after a period of time, it will occasionally stir something inside you that can make you think once again that you should possibly date them. I mean this is the same concept behind people getting back with their previously dumped romantic partners, or at least one of the things behind it. I mean getting back together with a previously dumped romantic partner usually doesn't end well unless there has been a complete shift in one or both of the people involved. You did break up for a reason so unless that reason changed DON'T, especially if that reason was cheating. But if these feelings are not acted upon or assumed unrequited, then as long as the two people are single I don't see why it isn't possible for them to act on say a high school crush, years after high school has ended (or in my case an elementary/primary school crush many years after elementary school has ended). I mean you also have to consider that if you are not currently in a romantic partnership, haven't had a potential romantic partnership in a while, or even are unhappy in your current romantic partnership, what you're feeling isn't actually real and what you're just feeling what you once had because you miss it. I'm not sure if I've said this here before but being in a romantic partnership for the sake of being in a romantic partnership is not a good idea, there should always be an end game in sight. Unless of course it is just a physical thing then it is not a romantic partnership, it is a physical relationship. 

It is possible that this is in some way related to "The one that got away," though I've always seen that as being someone you've previously been involved with in some way and it was the opposing partner had ended it where you didn't want it to end. And I know I am repeating myself, but unless there has been some sort of change in either yourself or you previously dumped romantic partner, don't just DON'T get back together with them. Also there are the people who think "The one that got away" is that one person you wanted to but didn't "score" with, which is ridiculous. Like there's a list of people you "need" to sleep with to feel whole or something, it is okay to only have ever slept with one person, or no people, or one hundred people. 

Post Script: It's pretty bad, I haven't spoken to her in over 10 years. It's pretty bad, I really need to get myself a crush.