Where within I write my feelings out in regards to a future event as a means to work through them.

So I don't date much, but I've either mentioned that before or it should not come at a big surprise. Why else would I be this interested in the concept of romantic love. A big part of this has to do with me having a hard time finding someone who is equal parts interested in dating me and I in turn being in equal parts interested in dating them. And therefore my friend has taken it upon herself to set me up with one of her friends. And I am thankful for that and there's no doubt about that.

The problem as I see it. I've had a girlfriend all of one time in my life. But it was an online relationship where we met once and awkwardly hung out with her cousin. But i don't think it was really a date. I'm 25 and I am hard pressed to find a memory of going on any date that was actually my own (I've interrupted, joined in on, and third wheeled other peoples dates, but that doesn't count). And as such I find myself  filled with an array of feelings(most of which are actually worry). I find myself excited at the prospect of the slim chance of this working out and becoming something.  I'm scared. Nope not scared, not worried, not excited or anticipating.  I'm  something about the chances of it not working out. But as mentioned above I am  mostly worried, now I am mostly worried almost all of the time but in this instant there are specific worries not general ones. I'm worried about whether she'll like me or not, inversely I am worried whether I will like her or not. I am worried about disappointing the friend who is setting us up, because she just seems so excited at the idea of us. I am worried I will do or say something stupid, scratch that since I am always worried that I will do or say something stupid, but especially in this instant. What do people even talk about on dates? Themselves while at the same time trying to be interested in the other person. I know from experience telling people too much too soon is a problem for me. Then what? I probably shouldn't resort to much usual topics of awkward conversation: giraffe sex and bread preferences. This is all of course if I am not too nervous to actually speak. Which I once again worry is a distinct possibility.

But I will say that this time I am doing the smart thing, because the last time I had plans to meet someone with romantic intent I didn't. I'm not putting all my eggs into one basket. I'm not quitting the dating sites/apps.  Im not stopping my search. And I won't not until I know. Know it's something real, something more than a date. So that's a step in the right direction right?

An open letter to people on dating sites.

So here I am at it again, writing about dating and I know I do this far too often, but this is different.

All dating sites are fundamentally flawed; well I can't say all exactly, but all the ones I've been on, which is a lot of them at least the free ones anyway. But I'm pretty sure the rest of them are just as flawed.

This isn't about the dating sites themselves but the people on them. Generally. This is for the people who just do the minimums on the dating sites. Those who only maybe upload a photo followed by the two words "ask me" or some variation of that. Do you know what you're doing by this? You are asking people to be vain, to judge you by your appearance. Essentially what you're doing is saying "if you think I'm hot hit me up." And as much as I do believe that yes dating sites are an exercise in vanity, there are those who use them with the true intent of finding someone special. I'm not saying that physical attraction is unimportant, but it is not the most important thing. What about similar common interests? What are you going to do if you have nothing in common? Okay, so think about this is: A profile with only visuals, and very little personal information, it sounds a bit more like they're looking for a hookup rather than dating. And there's nothing wrong with it if that is what you are looking for, but don't be ashamed about it. Don't hide behind a pretense of looking for "dating" or a "long term relationship" when what you're really looking for is a "casual encounter," "short term dating," or less subtly casual sex. Don't lie about it, it just irritates the rest of us that are actually looking for something real, or long term, something more than just physical.

But let's also talk about the photos that some people use on dating websites. And no, I'm not talking about the subject matter of the photos in general. I am of the belief that selfies are a wonderful thing, so yes; take pictures of yourself frequently and proudly. And of course use these selfies on dating websites. But take good photos, I'm talking adequate lighting, not overly grainy, and have your face in full view. Also a couple things that I have found to be a bit of an issue with dating site selfies, and these are actually to do with subject matter and thus are a bit more controversial. So here they are, ladies: I'm not saying all of you do this but certainly some do, and this photographic faux-pas is as I put it "more boob than face". Which is exactly as it sounds, more boobs than face, though yes boobs are nice and are certainly a way to attract a guy, but once again potentially for all the wrong reasons (if that's not what you're looking for). And guys I half assumed this was a high school habit and that I wouldn't actually have to mention it but keep your shirts on in pictures. Just because you can go shirtless in public or in photos online it doesn't mean that you have to. And for pictures that are not of yourself, though yes perfectly fine to be included on dating sites, if they are the only pictures though that can be a bit of an issue. As nice as it is to see your pets, vehicle, photography skills or any other possible thing, having a picture of yourself is kind of essential. Even if this photo is private and you only choose to share it after a bit of conversing, having a photo is essential.

So in conclusion put information into your profile, be honest and clear about your intentions, and include a decent photo. There are many other problems with dating sites that I did not bring up, but hopefully these will help ameliorate your experience on them. I mean this is of course in a perfect world, but we live in a flawed world and we are all flawed people. And with that I will bring back a quote which I used in a previous post. previous post. "It’s complicated. All this love shit’s complicated. And that’s good. Because if it’s too simple, you’ve got no reason to try. And if you got no reason to try, you don’t."- Adam Driver’s character to Daniel Radcliffe's in What If.


Post Script: I've been writing but not the things that I can post here. I've rewritten my dating profile twice. But I have been working on post-able items as well. Spring upon us, then summer and travel is something that I will do during this time. The thing about travel and vacationing though is that it allows for free time and free time means writing time, that or photography time.

An argument for dating your friends.

I know using the term dating has many romantic connotations attached to it, and that makes sense because it is a primarily romantic term. In saying that this will be divided into two parts. Romantically dating your friends and platonically dating them.

Unlike similar thing I have written here I will not be including definitions and that's because defining dating is hard enough as it is, and doing it in a way that is not exclusively romantic is even more difficult. Even though I do think that these are both important things I will be starting with romantically, because platonically isn't as commonly thought about and will be a nice idea to think about at the end.
(For clarification purposes romantically dating your friends will be henceforth be known as dating your friend and it's platonic counterpart will be referred to as going on dates with your friends. Also these distinctions will becom clearer the longer you read.)

So dating your friends is definitely a risky maneuver, and that is the reason it is not done more often. But with any relationship worth having there's risk. And with this one there's the risk that if you do end up breaking up, which is always a possibility. Will you still be friends? Will your common friends be put in a situation where they have to choose sides? But I mean if you are considering starting a romantic relationship with a friend it should be a well thought out decision, not just a snap judgement, and therefore should be taken seriously. Because if we're being honest, if you're in a place with a friend where you both think that dating is a good idea, you are probably mature enough to continue your friendship if it doesn't work out with minimal whiplash circumstances pending of course. You might now be asking yourself but why risk dating your friends when you could just find someone exclusively for dating. Well that's easy, because dating someone you don't know is hard. Why bother going out and meeting someone just to date when you've got friends. They already know you, they know your quirks and faults, your strengths and history. They already know you, and you know them. You don't have to go through the whole awkward getting to know each other phase. You've already spent time together and don't have to worry about how to act around them because they already know if you're acting fake or not and will hopefully call you out on it. By dating your friend you two can be very much yourselves so much faster and avoid a lot of the awkwardness surrounding dating. When you think about it, if they aren't willing to be your friend why are you actually dating them in the first place. (Those people who say that they don't want to be friends they just want to be more, aren't really worth being either. True friends shouldn't give all or nothing ultimatums. That's just a douche move.) Well unless you are dating just for the sake of dating and not for the purpose of building your relationship towards a lifelong partnership. After all, if you really think about it, why would you actually date someone who wasn't your friend. There is a reason that they're called girlfriends or boyfriends. As I see it, there really is no better choice when wanting to date someone than choosing a friend to date.

On to going on dates with your friends. A very different concept than the one stated above, but much easier to grasp. So we all have friends, or at least I hope we all have friends. I know hanging out with friends is fun, and the feeling that they give you is great, ans one of the best things about friends is that you have someone to talk to. But sometimes you take your friends for granted, and though not necessarily intentional it is truly disappointing when it happens. (This is why I wanted the distinction between dating your friends and going on dates with your friends.) So you know the "getting to know you things" I mentioned that you don't really have to worry about by dating your friends. It is truly one of the big advantages of going on dates with your friends, except once again not as awkward. Because of course assuming that you're already passed the lowest level of friendship you should always be trying to get to know your friends better. You know what else is a good idea for building and strengthening friendships, spending one on one time with them. And really should be making a big deal out of this they are your friend after all. You should be getting all dressed up and going out to a proper sit down meal with your friends, you should be grabbing a coffee and going for a conversation filled walk with them.
Spending one on one time together, talking, and learning more about each other. Growing your relationship, because friendship is a type of relationship after all. You know what all that sounds like to me: Dates. As I mentioned before, you need to go on dates with your friends, literally. This is of course because though romantic relationships are fun and can be quite enjoyable, it really is your friendships that truly matter. (Despite how little I have written about the subject of friendships so far.)

So now I've told you why you should date your friends and why you should go on dates with your friends. Sorry if this seems weird and confusing, but honestly romantic dating is weird and confusing hopefully thus helps make it easier.

Post Script: Date your friends also, date your friends. A day later than the rest isn't too bad considering I wrote this in two days so that I could keep up my posting streak. It's three weeks in a row now. I'm feeling proud of myself. Also I'm not out of ideas or in a funk yet so that's nice.