An open letter to people on dating sites.

So here I am at it again, writing about dating and I know I do this far too often, but this is different.

All dating sites are fundamentally flawed; well I can't say all exactly, but all the ones I've been on, which is a lot of them at least the free ones anyway. But I'm pretty sure the rest of them are just as flawed.

This isn't about the dating sites themselves but the people on them. Generally. This is for the people who just do the minimums on the dating sites. Those who only maybe upload a photo followed by the two words "ask me" or some variation of that. Do you know what you're doing by this? You are asking people to be vain, to judge you by your appearance. Essentially what you're doing is saying "if you think I'm hot hit me up." And as much as I do believe that yes dating sites are an exercise in vanity, there are those who use them with the true intent of finding someone special. I'm not saying that physical attraction is unimportant, but it is not the most important thing. What about similar common interests? What are you going to do if you have nothing in common? Okay, so think about this is: A profile with only visuals, and very little personal information, it sounds a bit more like they're looking for a hookup rather than dating. And there's nothing wrong with it if that is what you are looking for, but don't be ashamed about it. Don't hide behind a pretense of looking for "dating" or a "long term relationship" when what you're really looking for is a "casual encounter," "short term dating," or less subtly casual sex. Don't lie about it, it just irritates the rest of us that are actually looking for something real, or long term, something more than just physical.

But let's also talk about the photos that some people use on dating websites. And no, I'm not talking about the subject matter of the photos in general. I am of the belief that selfies are a wonderful thing, so yes; take pictures of yourself frequently and proudly. And of course use these selfies on dating websites. But take good photos, I'm talking adequate lighting, not overly grainy, and have your face in full view. Also a couple things that I have found to be a bit of an issue with dating site selfies, and these are actually to do with subject matter and thus are a bit more controversial. So here they are, ladies: I'm not saying all of you do this but certainly some do, and this photographic faux-pas is as I put it "more boob than face". Which is exactly as it sounds, more boobs than face, though yes boobs are nice and are certainly a way to attract a guy, but once again potentially for all the wrong reasons (if that's not what you're looking for). And guys I half assumed this was a high school habit and that I wouldn't actually have to mention it but keep your shirts on in pictures. Just because you can go shirtless in public or in photos online it doesn't mean that you have to. And for pictures that are not of yourself, though yes perfectly fine to be included on dating sites, if they are the only pictures though that can be a bit of an issue. As nice as it is to see your pets, vehicle, photography skills or any other possible thing, having a picture of yourself is kind of essential. Even if this photo is private and you only choose to share it after a bit of conversing, having a photo is essential.

So in conclusion put information into your profile, be honest and clear about your intentions, and include a decent photo. There are many other problems with dating sites that I did not bring up, but hopefully these will help ameliorate your experience on them. I mean this is of course in a perfect world, but we live in a flawed world and we are all flawed people. And with that I will bring back a quote which I used in a previous post. previous post. "It’s complicated. All this love shit’s complicated. And that’s good. Because if it’s too simple, you’ve got no reason to try. And if you got no reason to try, you don’t."- Adam Driver’s character to Daniel Radcliffe's in What If.


Post Script: I've been writing but not the things that I can post here. I've rewritten my dating profile twice. But I have been working on post-able items as well. Spring upon us, then summer and travel is something that I will do during this time. The thing about travel and vacationing though is that it allows for free time and free time means writing time, that or photography time.

Five by five.

It’s easy for me to share my opinions on a wide variety of topics including life, love, and body modification, but when it comes to talking about myself, my feelings and you know me in general I tend to struggle. And currently little by little I am trying to push myself, so I am going to try and write about myself, well, okay I am going to give you my annual list of things about myself. And since it is my 25^th here are 5 sets of five things about me.

1. I struggle with knowing when the right opportunity to act is.

2. I struggle with talking to new people. Especially girls.

3. I struggle with meeting people and large crowds.

4. I struggle with reading subtext and body language.

5. I struggle with me.

6. One of my strengths is making jokes even if I’m the only one who gets them.

7. One of my strengths is that I’m loyal and don’t like to let people go.

8. One of my strengths is that I am a good listener.

9. One of my strengths is that I am very good at keeping secrets.

10. One of my strengths is that I am a good photographer.

11. I habitually make references to things a lot of people around me don’t understand, but it doesn’t discourage me.

12. I habitually say exactly the wrong things and exactly the wrong times.

13. I habitually run away as a means of escaping.

14. I habitually spend my free time alone not doing what I mean to do.

15. I habitually jokingly tease people I like, less so if romantic interest is involved.

16. I am turned on by passion.

17. I am turned on by blue eyes.

18. I am turned on by nerdy obsessions, habits, and or hobbies.

19. I am turned on by Intelligence.

20. I am turned on by Independence.

21. I am turned off by smoking.

22. I am turned off by known ignorance.

23. I am turned off by closed mindedness.

24. I am turned off by doormats.

25. I am turned off by futility and monotony.

Post Script: I wrote this in one draft for once which is odd for anything I post; I was sitting in Starbucks being far too nervous to talk to the cute girl sitting beside me. Which could easily have had some impact on this post. Also I may end up posting a second thing later on.

I don't know about you But I'm feeling 24

So with a new tradition that I started last year when near to my birthday I gave 23 pieces of unsolicited advice. Except this year I can't give you 23 things, so I will share 24 things about me that you probably didn't know before. Or maybe you did in which case. Good for you. (and this is why I don't ad-lib blog posts.) Also I am sorry for my laziness, uninspiration, and general lack of postingness. (And there I go making up words.)

Before I get even more distracted here I go.

1. To keep my hands busy I make paper cranes out of post-it notes.
2. I've taught my tongue to tie cherry stems in knots, because I thought it might make me a better kisser.
3. And yet I've never been kissed.
4. I couldn't snap my fingers until after I graduated High School.
5. I got the scar on my left thumb from a broken glass bottle is what I tell people, what I don't tell them is that I got it because I used to dumpster dive for cans because I couldn't afford to get an allowance.
6. It wasn't until two weeks ago that I owned all 7 Harry Potter novels.
7. Spider-Man and the X-Men have always been my preferred superheroes because they were picked on just like I was.
8. When I was younger I wanted to be the green power ranger because we shared a used name.
9. My first name is Franklin, but i go by Tommy, a contraction of my middle name: Thomas.
10. I cry far more often than I admit.
11. I regret how judgmental I was in high school.
12. My first time drunk I declared that I was Batman my second time drunk I accused my cousin of being an X-Men mutant.
13. My first celebrity crushes were the Olsen twins, my first irl crush was also a pair of twins.
14. I am not worried about losing my mind, I've already accepted that it will happen.
15. I greatly desire to be a father, and no raise a child in a single parent home.
16. I also have name possibilities picked out.
17. I don't drink enough water, and i know this but don't do anything about it.
18. I like going to the movies alone just as much as with people.
19. I've got a "thing" for redheads and before that it was blondes, but realistically hair colour hasn't been all that big of a deal, or at least not as much as eye colour.
20. My attraction to Natalie Portman has a lot to do with her having been in Star Wars, even if it was the prequels.
21. I am convinced that when I see her I will just know. 
22. I don't read/watch the news because it makes me angry, and I feel like I should do something about it. But all I can think to do is deliver vigilante justice.
23. I had a dream last week about teaching the ethical culinary preparation and serving of human meat.
24. I'm worried I won't find someone because I am too worried she would end up getting hurt.

Post Script: I purposely posted this after my birthday, because I felt like after being 24 for a day could help me write this alas I was right-ish.

A late review

Ok it being later in the year than I had hoped and for that I feel as though I must apologize, but I will not apologize, this is because my absence is due to a desire to spend time with family because family is important. So, I am not sorry that this is late.

This is the blog that I intended for Pre New Years because this is my look back. Where I bring up amendments, additions and extra comments I have in association to the things I have written here over the 2012 year. Let’s dive right in.

So I started my 2012 blogging with talking about entering a photo into a contest followed the next day with how it did and me whining about it doing poorly. But that did not deter me, because they did an autumn showcase and I did enter again I still did not win, but this time I did not feel so bad about not winning. Here is the photo I entered. In my opinion a much better photo which I also framed and matted better than the first.

I also discussed starting the blog again, though I still don’t share it on Facebook, and I have stopped posting it to Twitter to prevent judgment from people I know IRL.

I then proceeded to talk about Twitter and communication. And this has not really changed a bit. I got blocked by a Twitter user that I followed because I was unable to properly convey my point in 140 characters, and me being, well, me. I proceeded to send several tweets consecutively in an attempt to get my point across. So I essentially spammed the Twitter user, got blocked and this was still even before I could entirely get my point across. I regret the spamming and getting blocked, but I don’t regret trying to stand up for something I believe in.

Then came two blogs which I have nothing to add to at this time.

Ahh, Boxes. Chronologically the first blog of 2012 I found myself proud of and what I actually referred back to in posts written after this one. Now looking back I can’t see if I mentioned this anywhere but I do believe that it is possible to both inside and outside of a box, not only that you can be in multiple boxes, or that you are in more than one box.

Looking back at the next post I made I realize that “Assumptions” and “Boxes” could have been merged into one post because they have some complementary ideas in them.

I then proceeded to talk about Christmas for five non-consecutive posts; I’ve got to say Christmas was great, and I’m not going to do any sort of haul post because I took a photo and put it on instagram http://instagram.com/p/T06a7PhQBe/

I also talked about using public restrooms which I still wholly stand behind.

I wrote a response to a YouTube video about me being scared about sharing the blog, I think that with the being a New Year I will start sharing this on Twitter again. Still a bit frightened about what some people on Facebook will think though.

For my birthday I shared 23 bits of unsolicited advice which I really enjoyed doing and next birthday I may very well share 24 bits.

Post Script: Double blog today. Also I need to get back into a blogging schedule. So sorry if this gets a little scattered.

Sensitive Subject Matter.

Not gonna talk about Christmas this time or next time because I just gotta get this off my chest. Might be a little strange but I am gonna do what I do on Twitter sometimes and talk about using the bathroom. Not so much talk about more rant about. And not all bathrooms but multi-stalled public bathrooms.

Now when people complain about public restrooms it's about their cleanliness. But with me, I'm one of those people who always has that alcohol based hand sanitizer with them, and so I grab toilet paper and wipe down the seat with sanitizer. It's not the cramped space, the cheap toilet paper, or even the possibility of getting creeped on through the gaps in the doors and walls. No, it's none of those.

My problem is the noises. But I'm not talking about the involuntary release of gas, or the plop of poop, or the splashing of pee. It is the voluntary noises, the ones that can be avoided, and the unnecessary noises. And even then I am breaking that up into two categories. "In stall" and "out of stall".

Let's start with the "in stall" noises since they are more common and sometimes harder to get rid of. These are the sighs of relief, the deep groans, and the sounds of forced pushing. I think we can all agree that these are all not overly pleasant sounds, not to mention that they are very personal sounds, and the bathroom in its entirety is a personal experience. So why would you do that in a known public washroom. Now I am not trying to tell you not to use public washrooms entirely, what I am saying is that use them as necessary but not leisurely. (I see them as like a quick stop until you can get to your own washroom.) So in conclusion of this, don't make noises while using public toilets.

Okay, now on to the out of stall noises. These are noises that are completely, absolutely controllable and AVOIDABLE. So I am talking about is the talking that happens in bathrooms! Like ARG! I can't really express how this makes me feel. Oh wait, yes I can. I AM A GIANT SQUID OF ANGER. Up to now I could mostly articulate what I am thinking about in reference to this. But WHY, just why do guys insist on having conversations in once again public washrooms. Now I'm not necessarily talking about when people talk to me but as well when guys have conversations at the sinks. But still. There I am half naked and unable to fully clothe myself and there they are in the same room as me, and probably no less than five feet away having a conversation. There's a reason that toilets have their own rooms. And it's NOT so you can have conversations. If there's only one place that's inappropriate for conversations to occur it is a washroom! Think about it, the purpose of any washroom public or not is to clean oneself and to expel waste, NOT to converse with your friends or random person in the stall beside you. Like seriously guys have your conversations elsewhere, and a bathroom isn't the place to meet new people. I mean come on I am pooping here!

Post script: Does this make me a hypocrite because I Tweet and Text while on the toilet sometimes? 

Let Me Give You A Gift.

So it being around that time of year, I think we should talk about Christmas. I'd like to talk about gift giving to be specific. Now, I am of the mindset that gift giving for any occasion does not have to be expensive, but should also be meaningful as well possibly either useful or necessary for improving the quality of life. Now in saying all of this it actually isn't the quality of the gift but the quality of the heart in which it is given.

I am also of the belief that giving yourself a gift is normal, if I dare say necessary. Now I should explain the "necessity". Now I know that giving gift at Christmas is not necessary, required, or even always possible at Christmas, not to mention that giving yourself a gift is not considered normal. But if possible I think of gift giving as a sign of love or at least great care for someone. Because I feel like gift giving is a sacrifice, this is of course true of both well thought gift giving as well as gifting without thought: You are either sacrificing time or money. Now what I mean by "gifting without thought" is exactly what it seems, it is the kind of gift giving you'd do for like work gift exchanges or like your parents did when you would get invited to birthday parties in elementary/primary school. Thinking about it, it could also be attributed to the kind of gift giving you see around Valentine's Day. Now back on to the topic of self gifting. I see it as a symbol of self-love, but as well with the inclusion of delayed gratification that comes with gift giving, not to mention that who knows what you need or want more than yourself? I'm not trying to say that you can give yourself the best gift in the world, because some of the best gifts are not bought in stores, or are not anything that you can expect to be given. Also I find that this is a great opportunity for you to get yourself something that you really want. It could very well be the cheapest, yet most well thought out gift you give this coming holiday season.

So in conclusion I hope that you, if you can, give yourselves a gift to remind yourself that you care. I know that I will be.

Post Script: I find it quite frustrating that this past weekend my mom came to town and with me there she bought my main Christmas gift, I held it for around a minute before she took it from me. It's just arg.

Up From The Depths

So at this moment I am delaying the writing of two blogs very different from this one but similar to each other. But this has been on my mind a lot lately. I've written about this before on the previous version of this blog as well as on Tumblr. So here those are, followed by more.

"My past

I'm 18 years old, I'm shy, insecure, scared, and worried especially when it comes to relationships. I've been in one relationship, I swear what happend to her because of me has petrified me from being in a relationship. Because of me, and becasue she was going out with me she was raped, twice by the same guy. A little background info, Me=P.G. Her=Aldergrove(vancouver area). It was an online relationship. She knew this guy, she considered him to be a friend, and because she wouldn't go out with him, all because of me. Well we met in real life once, after that she dumped me, she couldn't handle the distance issue back then I couldn't understand it but now I do. At that moment in her life I was really the only good thing that was happening in her life... after the break up bad things happend, she ended up deep in drugs and alcohol which was unlike she was before. To try to stop herself from going to school the next year she got pregnant and had a miscariage. I just learned yesterday that she does not have to finish this semester in her last year of school. She is allowed to do so and still pass her grade 12 year because she is suffering from depression. Truthfully I blame myself, for all of this, I'm guilt-ridden for what has happend to her. I feel bad for it and always have.

I'm sorry Larissa, it's all my fault. What I've caused can never be undone, but I'm still sorry."

and

"I'm Scared  

and I don’t like talking about things that actually scare me but I feel like I need to get it out there. I am honestly scared to get into a relationship. This is not a “I’m not sure if I’m ready” fear or anything of the sort but this fear stems from my first romantic experience. I’m scared that if I get into a relationship my romantic partner will get hurt. Let me explain, years ago I found myself talking to a girl who lived a full day’s road trip away from me and I found myself interested in her as more than friends but not knowing how to proceed and not willing to go to my mom for advice I just let it be. But I had this friend a couple years older than I, and he was persistent about me finding a girlfriend and it was getting annoying about it so I asked my romantic interest if she’d pretend to be my girlfriend to get my friend off my back but it didn’t stay that way and we started a relationship. Early into our relationship something terrible happened be cause she chose me over a guy in her community and then once again a little later on. I blamed myself, I still blame myself a bit I wasn’t there to protect her, I couldn’t stop him and he did it because she was involved with me. I can’t be in a position where I can let anything like this happen again. This has also made me very paranoid about my female friends getting into confrontations with guys because I worry that something will happen to them and once again I won’t be there to protect them."

I bring this up not to elicit sympathy or comments saying that I shouldn't blame myself or that it's not my fault,  because I've already gotten that and it hasn't changed things. I am still scared, and I still feel guilty and i don't think that's going to change. I've started accepting this. I know what needs to happen for this to work. One of the hardest things a person can do is to forgive themselves, and that's what I need to do. But it s not easy.

Post Script: All this has just been weighing me down lately, and as I've done in the past, getting it out there is just something I felt like I had to do.

Standing Still: A Response to Forward Motion.

So this is my post reception reaction. I didn't win anything, but it being my first show kind of makes sense. Also due to the fact that there were 40 photographs, 3 runner ups, and the regular first, second and third places so I did have more opportunities than I thought. My issue isn't that I lost but that certain people won with photos that were just not good. Now on top of that my photo had like the worst placement in the show it was on the very back wall on the very very bottom. To view it properly as in not at an extreme downward angle, you'd have to get on your hands and knees. And I am convinced this is because I am not a member. So yeah, this got me not feeling the best about my self.

Post script: I feel like whining.

Forward Motion

So in the town that I live in there are very few places that I have noticed for blossoming artists to display their works. But fortunately there is the Nanaimo Arts Council. Though what the Arts council does is not much in terms of nurturing young artists throughout the year they do have a couple showcases where local artists can submit their works to be displayed(at a price). Now I did this for their annual Summer Showcase, because I am proud of my photography and would really like to share is and possibly make money off of it. I didn’t mention that on top of the art work being showcased it is also judged with the possibility of cash prizes as well all submitted pieces must be for sale. And tomorrow night Thursday July 12, 7pm 2012, is the Awards reception for this. The winners will be announced there and I will probably be the most under dressed person there. No dress code was mentioned to me and the recent weather has been quite hot. As well I am by no means a small fellow, so showing up in formal wear would only make me sweat more. Therefore I shall be wearing what I refer to as Summer Formal Khaki shorts, a simple single colored t-shirt,   and a collared button down t-shirt unbuttoned over top and a pair of almost tumblr blue skate shoes that happen to be falling apart. 

Post script: This is the photo I entered.

New

So I deleted my previous blogs. Well, only off the internet. I put them in a word document as to preserve my, well I guess whinings would be the best way to describe them. I wanted to change my blog, I wanted to stop whining. But, I didn't know what to do with this blog. So I decided to just talk about my life, even if it's just for my self. I can try my best to not make it sound whiney all the time, but to be truthful I will be whiney sometimes but that's because some times I am whiney. And if I really want to make this about me then I have to be true to myself.