The Seven Types of Friends You Have.

In an attempt to get my blogs focus off of the string of posts on romantic love I will be doing a short series on a different and more important kind of relationship, the friendship. Well kind of, and mostly. So without further delay in a similar style to buzzfeed, here are the 7 types of friends you have.

1. Let's start at the top, the pinnacle of non-romantic relationships. The supreme relationship, the Best Friend. The first person you go to, you tell them anything, everything. They are the easiest person in your life to talk to, you share secrets, inside jokes, and even if you're apart for any period of time it’s as smooth as butter to just slide right back into where you were pre-separation. They are your favourite person in the world. There have been books written, movies made, and songs sung about best friends, and still they haven't quite captured the true essence of the Best Friend. Best friends are important, and not just to you as a person, but as a thing to have and to be, they make you better, and you make them better. It truly is hard to put into words what a best friend is, they can be very much indescribable. 

2. Now let's move on to Close Friends, these aren't your best friend, you might tell them things but not to the extent that you do your best friend. These are the people that may fit into the below explained categories initially but have surpassed the limitations, these are the people you want to spend time with socially but not all the time, they don't always necessarily make it better. They are the people you choose to have in your life. You care about these people, but you wouldn't drastically change your life for them. Unlike with your Best Friend you can live without a close friend. I have this belief that if close friends are meant to be, they will. And this sparks a quote, Jeff Goldblum's character Dr. Ian Malcolm from Jurassic Park, "Life, uh, finds a way," which I believe the same goes for true close friends.

3. Your Oldest Friends are just that. The friends that you've had for the longest time. These are your neighbours growing up, your cousins, the children of your parent’s best friends, the kid from Sunday School who happened to be your age and start at the same school for kindergarten as you. These are the people whom you have the most inside jokes with for the reason that you've spent the most time with them. Because they've known you longest, they know your past, what you've been through, all the things you dealt with growing up. They've been there for you in the past, and even if you haven't talked or spoken in a while you still hope that if you need them or they need you, that you'll still hope that if you need them or they need you that you'll still be there for each other. And in the end, it really does just come down to a matter of time.

(This next one is a concept I've been working on for a while.) 
4. The Second Class Friend, or Second Glance Friend; either one or both work. These are not your close friends, these are not the first thought friends, and these are not the friends you think to call or text on your first scroll through your address book, maybe during a second glance through though. The S.C.F.s are the easiest to reschedule or break plans with because you're not that close to begin with (right? Only if it's mutual after all). This is not the best kind of friendship as one might guess, for either of the people involved, the person who is the S.C.F. can end up feeling left out, unimportant, forgotten about, and inversely making people feel those things is a pretty shitty thing to do to people. They may not end up being all that close to you, but they are still people none the less. As much as people might not be your best friends, or close friends, it doesn't mean that they have to feel lesser or second class, the primary word is friend after all.

5. Facebook Friends (I feel oh so tempted to just leave that one just as it was, and add no explanation behind it, but I do also feel as though that would be a bit of a cop out.) Unlike the S.C.F. there is no doubt about the level of friendship between you two, you have no filter on who your Facebook Friends are, you can collect Facebook Friends. In the long run this might seem harsh but Facebook Friends are inconsequential, they can run the gamut from people that you once met at a concert, to people you worked with for a month, to those people you went to high school with and don't talk to. 

6. On to Work Friends. Common misconception is that you don't actually have to work with your Work Friends. These are the friends of convenience, you might work with them, you might have a class with them, or even just live near them. This is a friendship precipitated on proximity. You befriend these people as a means of survival, to not rock the boat, or to even just combat the monotony of everyday life. These are basically entry level friends. Because there's the most growth potential there, these are the people you tend to spend a decent amount of time with. This is all of course within which ever given social construct that brought you together, you don't tend to spend much if anytime outside of the social construct with these given people.

7. Lastly Internet Friends. These are not conventional friendships, you don’t have to have necessarily met these friends, but they also don't have to be from the internet either. The term Internet Friends can encompass pen pals. These are distant friends, but not necessarily physical distance. But even if it isn't a physical distance, you don't spend physical time with these friends. These friendships are not immediate, meaning that you can't have the same communication expectations of these friends as others, you have to give your internet friends time to reply, time to read what you need replied to. In saying this it does not mean that you can't get close to your internet friends or that they can't be relied upon because they can be, but you can't just call them up in the same way you would with a close friend. But they can also be your most patient of friends, because in the same way that you can wait for them, they wait for you. They don't tend to leave overly easily and they tend to be quick to hop back into an old rhythm after a long period of not talking. They are good friends to have, but not if they happen to be your only friends.

Finally, Acquaintances. Now I know I said 7 types of friends, and acquaintances makes 8, but acquaintances aren't your friends. They are people you know, or have met maybe once or twice before. They are pre-friends, they are those people you work with and don't want to be friends with but put up with them because you feel obligated to, they are even the person you made out with that one time at a party. But in general the interesting thing about acquaintances is that they are not as the word implies, quaint, they don't tend to last, they fade into the void. In saying all this I should make sure to reassure you that you are not unfriendly towards these people but they are wholly not your friends. I don't want to say that they don't matter, but it's just that they don't matter to you, just yet, they could but they also couldn't. I swear I am not trying to make the existence of acquaintances sound bleak, but if I am explaining the types of friendships I feel as though I would be amiss if I were not to mention them.

Now, I am sure I didn't cover every single possible type of friendship because they are many and varied and as "predictable" as human behaviour might be, it is strange weird and confusing, and therefore cannot necessarily be defined in average terms. But hopefully, this helps in some way, maybe just informs, but maybe not help per say. I wrote this to help illustrate that non-romantic relationships can be just as weird and complicated as romantic ones, once again because people are weird. And if anyone tells you otherwise they are wrong.

Post Script: As you can see beginnings and endings are still not my strong suit in writing these. But I am writing, and that's what truly matters in the end.

My Journey In Feminism

I feel like I should preface this with the statement that I am human and with that it comes with the stunning surprise that I am not wrong, ever. And I hope the sarcasm was clear in that statement above. I would also hope that you don’t hold what I’m about to say against me, I’m going to talk about my journey into feminism.

I guess a good place to start would be with some definitions.

Dictionary definition: The Doctrine advocating social political and all other rights of women equal to those of men.

Definition when I asked a feminist: A movement towards gender equality, but now it's evolved and become intersectional meaning it also includes discussions of race, sexuality, class, etc. Essentially a movementtowards equality of all kinds.

Ignorant definition: Man hating female superiority.

And I won’t lie, I’ve thought each of those definitions were true at different times in my life. And currently, the feminists’ definition is the closest to something I believe in.

See, besides the government oppressing people’s rights, I do see music and other forms of media as one of the biggest blocks to the equality movement. I mean if you listen to a lot of the quote unquote popular music women are perceived as being either stupid or only useful for sex, not to mention how racial stereotypes are perpetuated in all sorts of media. Now I am not sure if a quote from this person is the best choice but it does fit in context.

“I feel like hip hop used to be a voice for the voiceless, and now it’s become at least in the mainstream; A symbol of misogyny, gay panic, fiscal irresponsibility.” – Bo Burnham

Though is does not provide any usable advice for how we could change things but it does bring to light one of the many problems that seems to just go widely accepted in society. Now saying that, there was that one song by Robin Thicke, which I can’t even quote or even properly use as an example because I cannot be bothered to listen to or Google the lyrics based on the unanimous hatred for the song. But eliminating hate speech, and actions in the media would only do so much. What we really need is a massive change in peoples thinking. To be precise, we need to change what people joke about, because I know this is crap, but if something is laughed at it is all people need to believe that something is acceptable to do. This means no sammich jokes, wide based generalizations, and even making light or the stereotypical gender roll definitions. Because it is just as okay for the men to be single or stay at home parents just as it is for women, there is no job that I can think of that a man can do better than a woman; I do believe that women can do anything and everything just as good as a man can. Women can raise children without there being a man involved just as well as if there was and the same thing goes for men. And that is the major problem with people making objections to same sex couples having or adopting children and their objections are absolutely ridiculous.

 So there are a couple problems with my above statements, which I found while typing this up. One, being I was using gender binary terms where I did not mean to exclude non gender binary peoples. Two, I primarily focused on binary gender issues I didn’t even go too far into issues around race, non-binary genders, and so many more things that feminism is about. Three, the true problem with people is not their physical appearance. When the real problems are with people’s personalities, we need to treat people based on who they are not what they look like or who they are romantically or sexually interested in.

Okay so society is all about progress right? Living longer, being better, having a better understanding of the universe. If we didn’t strive for progress then why are there constantly technological and medical advancements? Now what we really need to do if we really wish to be a truly progressive society is one word, Equality. And some people will say that we already do lie in an equal society, but pardon my French that is Bullshit. The white man is still figuratively king, women and non-binary gendered people are not given adequate or even proper recognition, and people with any skin tone besides white get judged far too often, quickly, and stereotyped even further from there. Okay and you know what love is? Love is an energy, it cannot be created or destroyed, and comes in many forms. If more people understood this it wouldn’t really matter what people looked like, who people were or whomever they liked, they would treat each other as if they were just people. We all share the same planet and that should be good enough to treat each other well and properly.

Post Script: I once again need to reiterate that I am no expert in this field, and I am still learning and going forward in this journey. Because I cannot change the mind of anyone else until my own mind is good. I also figured that after a couple posts aside from last weeks on the primary physical, a deeper post was needed.

Pretty, Cute, Beautiful, Hot: a guide to proper use and distinction.

In a way all four of those words could be used in one way or another to describe the attractiveness of someone. But how do you know which word is right to use and when it was right to use them. Welcome to another lesson on the words we choose to use. And much link where I talked about Sluts,Skanks, and Whores, these are words we use to describe people. (I chose not to include handsome as I don’t use it like ever.)

I’d like to start with a brief explanation as to the order: Pretty, Cute, Beautiful, and Hot. Now it may have been easier to do it alphabetically, or I could try and sort them into a leveling system where each one quantified attractiveness. But no, what I did was pair them off, pretty and cute, then beautiful and hot, now I did this because though they all are different words which describe attractiveness I believe the pairs are conflicting sets. Not in the sense that they are so different that they are conflicting, but in the sense that they are so similar and yet so different that they are in conflict. That is why I chose to clarify their meanings and usages.

First: Pretty and Cute.

Now these two words have an old meaning in common, and it was a far less superficial meaning. They both at one time meant clever, but this was back when clever was not quite as much an admirable trait as it is nowadays. But that was then, and now they have more, I don’t want to say superficial but since they are about positive physical attributes, I don’t quite know how to put it. I mean think about it, Pretty is “attractive in a delicate, dainty, or graceful way without stateliness” and Cute is a “shy attractiveness” or “attractive, endearing, charming, clever, or ingenious” but those are just dictionary definitions. But how can you tell which to use in common language? Well I guess that’s what I’m doing here.

So pretty is a form of attractiveness (obviously), it is not subtle, but also is not obvious. A pretty thing or person is delicate or possesses a delicate manner. Their appeal is a simple thing, meaning that it does not need to be thought upon, if asked why something is pretty the only answer to that should be “because it is”. If there was a word that meant intensely pleasing but not shockingly so (in association to appearance), that word would perfectly describe how I tend to use pretty. Now cute can be another form of attractiveness (again obviously), unlike pretty though it is not necessarily a physical thing. (This is not saying pretty is only physical, but it’s primarily attribute is physical).Cuteness is a clever thing; it is subtle which is why it is called a “shy attractiveness”. But this is still about the physical in actuality; cute is a way to describe someone’s overflowing passion for a thing. Cute can also be an emotional reaction; so happy you’re literally or even figuratively bouncing up and down, an authentic or even fake pouty disappointment. I’ve always seen cute as being a specific term, not a generalization. In closing, pretty is primarily physical and cute is a blend of physical and non-physical. (My preference is cute over pretty, but that’s just me).

Second: Beautiful and Hot.

These two are more intense, and differed greatly where Pretty and Cute did only slightly. But, I will begin by defining hot and switching the order around because I am more passionate about the word Beautiful.

Hot in this sense has a slang definition; good looking, sexy, lustful, or sexually aroused. Also could be intense sexual desire or attraction. In a definition that I am not going to explore it means passionate or excited. Now that is the dictionary definition, not mine, not exactly. On to mine now, Hot is used to describe something solely physical or sexual. It is a very simple thing, if you find their body physically or sexually appealing even without knowing anything else about them then hot is the appropriate word. Finding or thinking someone hot is an immediate reactionary response; it is a base animalistic reaction. Now if I were to say Hot is something very superficial, you might think I were saying it was a bad thing but it is not, it is instinct, natural, normal to find someone hot. But it is not necessarily good either, because of its’ simple nature some people tend to rely in it far too much. Now, on to Beautiful. Beautiful is rooted in Latin words meaning pretty, fine, or blessed and happy, now blessed is probably the closest of these that come to my “true meaning”. Beautiful is a complex word, it is not simple or something that could be boxed up. It is not to be a reactionary word, its’ usage is meant to be a well thought out thing. (Now I don’t really want to go into an examination of the question “what is beauty?” because that would be a post on to its self, and this is more about the word beautiful and when to use it). So where hot was purely one thing, and that one thing being physical, beautiful is to be used for instances or more than physicality but including the physical, it is an all-encompassing thing. Being beautiful is more than one thing; it is not the singular parts of a thing, but the whole of it. Where the whole is body, and mind, and soul; if you think of it like one of those fighting video games like Tekken or Street Fighter, beautiful is the penultimate combo move, or Scorpions’ finishing move in the original Mortal Kombat game. It is like combining the Triforce of power, wisdom, and courage. Okay now getting away from video game analogies. And it has to be a complete combination, not just one part, two parts, but it has to be all parts. So see, an excerpt from a book can be good, but it is not a complete novel, in the same way a person can be physically attractive and intellectually appealing, but unless they are a good person as well they are not beautiful. To be clear, it’s okay to be hot, and it is okay to want to be hot, but really what you want is to be beautiful, or find someone who thinks you’re beautiful, that way you know it matters, because that way you know it’s real. I mean you want to sleep with hot; you might even want to date hot but really hot is just a shadow of beautiful. Because you still want to sleep with beautiful, date beautiful, but really it is really just a pleasure to be around beautiful things and people.

In conclusion, these words are not bad things; I mean they all had to do with attraction and attractivity. And attractiveness is a desirable trait but really it is not something that should be a person’s primary focus. It’s good if you’re pretty sure, but unless you’re something more it’s just dull. It is truly more important to be interesting than attractive. But that is why what is good is to be beautiful, but still not the only thing you should be.

Post Script: It feels good to be blogging again. Now I don’t know when this is going to be posted because though it is the first one being typed up I know that it won’t be the first one posted, that honour is reserved for my In memoriam. But I am writing and typing and posting, and that just feel more right.

Sluts, Skanks, and Whores.

Sluts, skanks, and whores. Let’s talk about that. It is very obvious for those living in common place North America that these are not nice words, and yet we still use them. The thing that all three of them have in common is that they are used to villainies primarily females for having sex. And I think that is the purpose of these words, but I believe that the use of these words has become far too common.

So what I want to do is help clarify the appropriate times to use the words, to be clear none of this is meant as slut shaming that is not my intention and this is based wholly on my own opinion. If I offend you, I am sorry. As I mentioned earlier, these are not nice words but they are also angry words, and it does not matter what tone the person who is speaking these words uses they will not be anything but angry words, whose purpose is very clearly not kindness. Give it a try and see if someone will feel something besides anger when you use these words directed towards them.

Okay now let’s get started with common dictionary definitions.

• Slut: “a promiscuous woman.” Derogatory.
• Skank: “a person, esp. a woman regarded as unattractive, sleazy, or immoral.” Slang.
• Whore: “a promiscuous woman.” Derogatory.

Needless to say these all reflect poorly on females who enjoy and have sex. And so I’d like to redefine these words so that they do not villainies woman for liking sex. And here are my definitions.

• Slut: “a man or woman who participates in a multitude of sexual acts with a multitude of partners without any sort of regard for any of the other parties involved.” Derogatory.
• Skank: “a man or woman who participates in sexual infidelity knowing that it is infidelity.” Derogatory.
• Whore: “a man or a woman who uses sex as a form of manipulation to further ones goals, and or personal gain without any sort of regard for any of the other parties involved.” Derogatory.

So my definitions might all be about sex and they do slightly villainize it, but you also have to notice that I did not go for gender specifics, and all include villainizable circumstances surrounding sex and not sex itself. To mention it again these words are only to be used strictly in anger. But not only in anger, but I do believe that there should be justified cause and recognizable proof before using these words. But since swearing is not something you do with intense forethought only justified cause is okay.

What this really is showing is the misuse of words. Considering the power language holds in today’s society it is good to learn to use it properly.

Post Script: What are some words that you think redefining?