Love, Lust, and Infatuation: and being able to identify them in yourself.

Preface: As you might be able to tell, there are certain things that I choose to write about more than others. And despite the lack of it in my life, romantic love is one of those things I quite enjoy thinking and writing about.

With it being so close to Valentine’s Day I thought this would be an excellent time for this post. Because, really if not now than when really? Well really whenever because Valentine’s Day is a crap day to celebrate, to quote John Green “If you need to be reminded to like your romantic partner, you’redoing it wrong.”

So let’s get on to it already.

As usual when I compare things let us start with definitions both current and past. Love as I have discussed before, is not the easiest thing to pinned down but, for this purpose let’s focus on romantic love. And the top dictionary entry for love is “an intense feeling of deep affection or fondness for a person or thing; great liking.” And originally it was derived from words meaning “desires”, or “it is pleasing”. But as we know Romantic Love is not a simple thing. These definitions leave a lot to be desired, they don’t explain how Romantic Love is not easy, and how “falling in love” is a myth because you don’t fall in love. Falling is easy, but love is not. Or how Romantic Love is a two way street, and that it takes two people for love, two people who are working equally for love to be. I should be clear about what I’m saying when I say work, I don’t mean some dead end minimum wage job that you hate, I mean it should feel like your dream job: fun, love doing it, not always easy but you learn from it, and it is something that you’re passionate about. If you feel all of the above about your relationship, it’s love plain and simple. And I will finish this with a quote "It’scomplicated. All this love shit’s complicated. And that’s good. Because if it’stoo simple, you’ve got no reason to try. And if you got no reason to try, youdon’t."- Adam Driver’s character to Daniel Radcliffe in What If.

Now on to Lust, and unlike love, lust is easy and simple. Lust is a base animal instinct. The definitions; currently lust is a strong sexual desire, whereas originally lust was desire, appetite, pleasure; sensuous appetite. (But do I really have to deeply explain lust? It’s not a hard concept to grasp. Tee Hee… hard. I know, I’m so mature). Pure and simple lust is solely sexual attraction. It is exclusively a physical feeling, and often a temporary one that can just as easily pass from one person you see on to the next. It can be a very fleeting feeling, and the smallest of things can make it disappear completely or even enflame it and make it burn even brighter. I am not trying to say that lust is a bad thing, but I mean lust by itself can be very much an empty thing, but also can be a very addicting thing. Lust combined with infatuation can be very potentially useful in leading to love. Lust as said in less simple terms is the wanting or desire to have sex with a specific person. Now I can’t say that list is absolutely necessary for good relationships, because of course then I would alienate any asexuals, that’s something I would not want to do. But lust is a human thing and what we choose to do with it tell us a lot about ourselves.

Okay, infatuation now. This is the fun one, well kind of, I like it. So the dictionary says infatuation is to be affected by an intense fondness or admiration, but originally it was closer related to a variation of foolishness, to be more precise inspire in someone a foolish romantic passion. Now I know what you might be thinking, that this dictionary definition sounds incredibly close to that one I attributed to love. But that’s wrong, because of course infatuation isn’t love, it is very much from love. Well, very is a bit of a stretch, but back on topic. Another way to put it that is easier to understand or convey, an infatuation is a crush. Simple enough concept to grasp, and unlike love, a crush is something what you can fall into. They are easy, sometimes uncontrollable, and can happen in a split second (not necessarily a literal split second). Now I know what you’re thinking, but aren’t you supposed to crush on the one you love, and you’re absolutely right. But the thing about crushes is that they can very much be one sided, you can have a crush on someone and them not return those feelings. There’s also the unknowingness of a crush because of course logic dictates that if you have a crush on someone and they also have one on you as well you both know about set crushes that something will happen between you two (in a perfect world that is). But then you also have to take into account that you can a) have multiple crushes at a time, and b) the crush lives on an intensity spectrum and if you imagine the spectrum as a wave the crush surfs it quite regularly. Now, ideally you’d want to match your crush’s’ position on the spectrum, and along with your partner grow its intensity to the point where it becomes love. But sometimes it just doesn’t work out and heartbreak occurs. Yes, heartbreak isn’t exclusively related to love, it very much can happen with infatuation but with smaller impact, you know, less lives ruined and blood shed spanning years andcontinents.

There it is, Love, Lust, and Infatuation. Because if we didn’t have important words for things where would we be.  It also certainly helps knowing when the right opportunity to use these words is, and this is of course because the words we choose to use say a lot about who we are. Now normally I wouldn’t choose to commemorate Valentine’s Day because it is a pointless tradition, but it does make people happy, and I’m not one to squash other people’s happiness. But as I quoted in the beginning, “If you need to be reminded to like your romantic partner, you’re doing it wrong.”

Post Script: You see that, two weeks in a row, now isn’t that just something. If I can just have the time to finish the rest of the half-finished ones I’ve started because I don’t really want to post just fluff.

Pretty, Cute, Beautiful, Hot: a guide to proper use and distinction.

In a way all four of those words could be used in one way or another to describe the attractiveness of someone. But how do you know which word is right to use and when it was right to use them. Welcome to another lesson on the words we choose to use. And much link where I talked about Sluts,Skanks, and Whores, these are words we use to describe people. (I chose not to include handsome as I don’t use it like ever.)

I’d like to start with a brief explanation as to the order: Pretty, Cute, Beautiful, and Hot. Now it may have been easier to do it alphabetically, or I could try and sort them into a leveling system where each one quantified attractiveness. But no, what I did was pair them off, pretty and cute, then beautiful and hot, now I did this because though they all are different words which describe attractiveness I believe the pairs are conflicting sets. Not in the sense that they are so different that they are conflicting, but in the sense that they are so similar and yet so different that they are in conflict. That is why I chose to clarify their meanings and usages.

First: Pretty and Cute.

Now these two words have an old meaning in common, and it was a far less superficial meaning. They both at one time meant clever, but this was back when clever was not quite as much an admirable trait as it is nowadays. But that was then, and now they have more, I don’t want to say superficial but since they are about positive physical attributes, I don’t quite know how to put it. I mean think about it, Pretty is “attractive in a delicate, dainty, or graceful way without stateliness” and Cute is a “shy attractiveness” or “attractive, endearing, charming, clever, or ingenious” but those are just dictionary definitions. But how can you tell which to use in common language? Well I guess that’s what I’m doing here.

So pretty is a form of attractiveness (obviously), it is not subtle, but also is not obvious. A pretty thing or person is delicate or possesses a delicate manner. Their appeal is a simple thing, meaning that it does not need to be thought upon, if asked why something is pretty the only answer to that should be “because it is”. If there was a word that meant intensely pleasing but not shockingly so (in association to appearance), that word would perfectly describe how I tend to use pretty. Now cute can be another form of attractiveness (again obviously), unlike pretty though it is not necessarily a physical thing. (This is not saying pretty is only physical, but it’s primarily attribute is physical).Cuteness is a clever thing; it is subtle which is why it is called a “shy attractiveness”. But this is still about the physical in actuality; cute is a way to describe someone’s overflowing passion for a thing. Cute can also be an emotional reaction; so happy you’re literally or even figuratively bouncing up and down, an authentic or even fake pouty disappointment. I’ve always seen cute as being a specific term, not a generalization. In closing, pretty is primarily physical and cute is a blend of physical and non-physical. (My preference is cute over pretty, but that’s just me).

Second: Beautiful and Hot.

These two are more intense, and differed greatly where Pretty and Cute did only slightly. But, I will begin by defining hot and switching the order around because I am more passionate about the word Beautiful.

Hot in this sense has a slang definition; good looking, sexy, lustful, or sexually aroused. Also could be intense sexual desire or attraction. In a definition that I am not going to explore it means passionate or excited. Now that is the dictionary definition, not mine, not exactly. On to mine now, Hot is used to describe something solely physical or sexual. It is a very simple thing, if you find their body physically or sexually appealing even without knowing anything else about them then hot is the appropriate word. Finding or thinking someone hot is an immediate reactionary response; it is a base animalistic reaction. Now if I were to say Hot is something very superficial, you might think I were saying it was a bad thing but it is not, it is instinct, natural, normal to find someone hot. But it is not necessarily good either, because of its’ simple nature some people tend to rely in it far too much. Now, on to Beautiful. Beautiful is rooted in Latin words meaning pretty, fine, or blessed and happy, now blessed is probably the closest of these that come to my “true meaning”. Beautiful is a complex word, it is not simple or something that could be boxed up. It is not to be a reactionary word, its’ usage is meant to be a well thought out thing. (Now I don’t really want to go into an examination of the question “what is beauty?” because that would be a post on to its self, and this is more about the word beautiful and when to use it). So where hot was purely one thing, and that one thing being physical, beautiful is to be used for instances or more than physicality but including the physical, it is an all-encompassing thing. Being beautiful is more than one thing; it is not the singular parts of a thing, but the whole of it. Where the whole is body, and mind, and soul; if you think of it like one of those fighting video games like Tekken or Street Fighter, beautiful is the penultimate combo move, or Scorpions’ finishing move in the original Mortal Kombat game. It is like combining the Triforce of power, wisdom, and courage. Okay now getting away from video game analogies. And it has to be a complete combination, not just one part, two parts, but it has to be all parts. So see, an excerpt from a book can be good, but it is not a complete novel, in the same way a person can be physically attractive and intellectually appealing, but unless they are a good person as well they are not beautiful. To be clear, it’s okay to be hot, and it is okay to want to be hot, but really what you want is to be beautiful, or find someone who thinks you’re beautiful, that way you know it matters, because that way you know it’s real. I mean you want to sleep with hot; you might even want to date hot but really hot is just a shadow of beautiful. Because you still want to sleep with beautiful, date beautiful, but really it is really just a pleasure to be around beautiful things and people.

In conclusion, these words are not bad things; I mean they all had to do with attraction and attractivity. And attractiveness is a desirable trait but really it is not something that should be a person’s primary focus. It’s good if you’re pretty sure, but unless you’re something more it’s just dull. It is truly more important to be interesting than attractive. But that is why what is good is to be beautiful, but still not the only thing you should be.

Post Script: It feels good to be blogging again. Now I don’t know when this is going to be posted because though it is the first one being typed up I know that it won’t be the first one posted, that honour is reserved for my In memoriam. But I am writing and typing and posting, and that just feel more right.

Why I don’t say “Goodbye”

Now the title gives away what I will be talking about today, but I should probably clarify a little. I won’t just leave without saying something… most of the time; I won’t just leave the conversation without some sense of ending. I will use other “parting remarks”, “exit greetings” or whatever else you want to call conversation enders like bye, later, see you, next time, or anything like it just not “Goodbye” itself, that I just absolutely abhor using. But I will use it, when I think it’s appropriate, “Goodbye” is not one of those few words that rarely ever pass my lips.

Now my reluctance to say “goodbye” has nothing to do with its’ origin being “God be with you” and my religious beliefs though someone else probably could and possibly has made that argument. But for the past long while “Good-bye” has just has this air of both formality and finality to it. Now in saying that, Farewell has also has the same feeling except in different degrees. Let me try to explain this a little better. With an example, it might be easier, this might not be a pleasant example but here it goes. So farewells, they are what you say at a funeral. They are the last Good-bye. Now Good-byes are what you would say in the hospital, because with Good-bye there is always the possibility of coming back from that. “Good-bye” is not necessarily forever, but it could be. From my experience, saying something has ended does not necessarily mean that it has, the saying that “it’s not over until it’s over” is so very true, but also not always. And I don’t think there is a single word that can really ever end something, but as words are what we use, the proper use of them is something that I highly seek.

With English being such a wide and varied language it is certainly possible for words to have more specific meanings than they currently have.

Post Script: Getting back on a regular posting schedule has become more difficult than I thought. Also this isn’t definitive; I still use “Goodbye” when it’s not forever, or formal. Sometimes it just feels right.

Sluts, Skanks, and Whores.

Sluts, skanks, and whores. Let’s talk about that. It is very obvious for those living in common place North America that these are not nice words, and yet we still use them. The thing that all three of them have in common is that they are used to villainies primarily females for having sex. And I think that is the purpose of these words, but I believe that the use of these words has become far too common.

So what I want to do is help clarify the appropriate times to use the words, to be clear none of this is meant as slut shaming that is not my intention and this is based wholly on my own opinion. If I offend you, I am sorry. As I mentioned earlier, these are not nice words but they are also angry words, and it does not matter what tone the person who is speaking these words uses they will not be anything but angry words, whose purpose is very clearly not kindness. Give it a try and see if someone will feel something besides anger when you use these words directed towards them.

Okay now let’s get started with common dictionary definitions.

• Slut: “a promiscuous woman.” Derogatory.
• Skank: “a person, esp. a woman regarded as unattractive, sleazy, or immoral.” Slang.
• Whore: “a promiscuous woman.” Derogatory.

Needless to say these all reflect poorly on females who enjoy and have sex. And so I’d like to redefine these words so that they do not villainies woman for liking sex. And here are my definitions.

• Slut: “a man or woman who participates in a multitude of sexual acts with a multitude of partners without any sort of regard for any of the other parties involved.” Derogatory.
• Skank: “a man or woman who participates in sexual infidelity knowing that it is infidelity.” Derogatory.
• Whore: “a man or a woman who uses sex as a form of manipulation to further ones goals, and or personal gain without any sort of regard for any of the other parties involved.” Derogatory.

So my definitions might all be about sex and they do slightly villainize it, but you also have to notice that I did not go for gender specifics, and all include villainizable circumstances surrounding sex and not sex itself. To mention it again these words are only to be used strictly in anger. But not only in anger, but I do believe that there should be justified cause and recognizable proof before using these words. But since swearing is not something you do with intense forethought only justified cause is okay.

What this really is showing is the misuse of words. Considering the power language holds in today’s society it is good to learn to use it properly.

Post Script: What are some words that you think redefining?