The Friend-Zone isn't what you think it is. Read More Here.

I’m going to talk about the Friend-Zone today, this is because despite what people might think, a) it does exist, and b) it is not what you think it is.

This prompts three questions: What is the Friend-Zone? What does it mean to be Friend-zone’d? How do you get out of the Friend-Zone?

So what is the Friend-Zone?

The Friend-Zone is a state of being, wherein you are romantically drawn to a friend, but rather than risk the ruining of the friendship you decide not to act on those feelings. Or that you do try and act on those feelings, but since they are not shared you decide to ignore future feelings of that kind and strictly stay exclusively friends with the person, and not letting your feelings have an impact on your friendship. But in actuality there is already an older phrase besides Friend-Zone; Unrequited Love. Now if you think of it that way, you end up having far less negative energy associated to it, plus it is easier to define: Love that is not returned or reciprocated.

What does it mean to be Friend-Zone’d? (And common myths about what is called the Friend-Zone).

The Friend-Zone is a form of rejection, plain and simple. But as I see it, in its’ truest form it really is one friend telling another that their friendship is too important to them to risk it ending poorly. Common problems with the term Friend-Zone can originate from people not being able to handle romantic rejection from a platonic friend. This truly brings into question whether the friendship was true in the first place. This can bring forth a whole new set of problems for people who go into the “friendship” with the expectation of making it into something more than just friendship. And that is not true friendship, just crappy people being crappy, because that isn’t friendship. This next piece touches on the fact that the Friend-Zone is commonly seen as a negative thing; the myths of the Friend-Zone.

“The friendzone is just a male constructed response to being rejected by a “friend”. (Let’s analyze this sentence).

Male: Girls and Women can be put in the Friend-Zone; it is not a strictly male “construct”. I know this of course because I have experienced it, by that I mean I have both been put in by and put girls in the Friend-Zone. With my previous clarification on what the Friend-Zone is, it should be clear that it is not a gender specific thing.

Construct: This implies that the Friend-Zone is not real. But it does, and as I mentioned it has existed longer than people know but under the name of unrequited love. It is not an unnatural thing, or at least when it comes to modern human nature. Romantic pursuits are all a game of risk versus reward, even more so when it involves friends. (More details here)

Being Rejected: Not a myth, there is a certain level of rejection associated to being Friend-Zone’d. But not for unknown reasons, because one of the common reasons people are angered by rejection is because the reasons are unknown to them or they believe that they are unreasonable reasons. (Which is ridiculous because that is taking away a person’s right to say No)

By a “friend”: Therein lies the key point. FRIEND. There’s a common phrase associated with the Friend-Zone: “Girls are not machines that you put kindness into and expect sex to pop out”. Now the problem that stem from this is that this is not true friendship. At any time where in which you are expecting to get anything but friendship in return for friendship it isn’t actually friendship at all, it is you being a douche canoe. Being irritated by someone saying no implies that the rejecter does not have the right to say No, and expecting all the same people to have all the same feelings as you is a completely absurd expectation. It is not your friend’s fault you have romantic feelings for them. People have “types”; what they are looking for, and personal preferences in relation to romantic partners. Just because they are your “type” it doesn’t mean you’re theirs and it completely invalidates their opinions if you are truly upset by that fact.

Just be a friend, what’s wrong with platonic relationships? Answer, NOTHING.

So when the above described people use the term friendzone it lessens it because they are not real friends. A real friend respects another friend’s choice. Where in actuality a real person should in fact respect another person’s choice, always.

Finally, how do you escape the Friend-Zone?

When it comes to getting “out” of the Friend-Zone, you have two options.

You can leave. This is the harsher of the two; you literally leave your friend. Not necessarily forever, but for now, for the purpose of speed I believe this to be the best option. The side effect of this is that you lose this person, they are no longer in your life, and when you become ready to return to their life there will be a rift, not always but at least a 90% chance, it will take a lot of work to fix what you broke.

The second option is to stop. You can’t necessarily, immediately stop having romantic feelings for this person. But you can stop. How you might ask, well simple, space and time. You don’t stop being their friend, but you spend less time with them, you give them space, or rather you give yourself space. And you try and find someone else or something else to direct your romantic energies towards. This will certainly take more time than straight up leaving, but it is the better option, you don’t make a rift within your friendship, and you keep your friend.

You could always do nothing, and hope for the best, that is always an option as well.

So herein lies my problem, I cannot find myself being romantically attracted to someone who is not my friend first. And if I “do” it is probably just a physical attraction masked as romantic. Is it even possible to be (romantically attracted to someone who is not your friend)? Well it would have to be for some people, because that is what dating websites etc. are for, finding someone to date whom you are not friends with. And there’s my problem with those for me. Yet I still find myself constantly returning to dating sites and apps, like PoF, OkCupid, Tinder, and Bumble. But sadly what they don’t have are sites like that for making friends, probably because some people would abuse the use of them to try and find a relationship be it physical or romantic, and as previously mentioned if one person is looking for something romantic and the other person is looking for something platonic it just doesn’t work.

In conclusion, it’s hard to control who you develop romantic feelings for. And sometimes they are directed towards your friends, if your friends don’t feel the same don’t be a dick about it, let your friends just be your friends, and treat them as such. Actually in general if you develop feeling for anyone, and they are not reciprocated, accept it and move on.  Also friends are great, don’t mistreat them, they are essential to good living. 

The Seven Types of Friends You Have.

In an attempt to get my blogs focus off of the string of posts on romantic love I will be doing a short series on a different and more important kind of relationship, the friendship. Well kind of, and mostly. So without further delay in a similar style to buzzfeed, here are the 7 types of friends you have.

1. Let's start at the top, the pinnacle of non-romantic relationships. The supreme relationship, the Best Friend. The first person you go to, you tell them anything, everything. They are the easiest person in your life to talk to, you share secrets, inside jokes, and even if you're apart for any period of time it’s as smooth as butter to just slide right back into where you were pre-separation. They are your favourite person in the world. There have been books written, movies made, and songs sung about best friends, and still they haven't quite captured the true essence of the Best Friend. Best friends are important, and not just to you as a person, but as a thing to have and to be, they make you better, and you make them better. It truly is hard to put into words what a best friend is, they can be very much indescribable. 

2. Now let's move on to Close Friends, these aren't your best friend, you might tell them things but not to the extent that you do your best friend. These are the people that may fit into the below explained categories initially but have surpassed the limitations, these are the people you want to spend time with socially but not all the time, they don't always necessarily make it better. They are the people you choose to have in your life. You care about these people, but you wouldn't drastically change your life for them. Unlike with your Best Friend you can live without a close friend. I have this belief that if close friends are meant to be, they will. And this sparks a quote, Jeff Goldblum's character Dr. Ian Malcolm from Jurassic Park, "Life, uh, finds a way," which I believe the same goes for true close friends.

3. Your Oldest Friends are just that. The friends that you've had for the longest time. These are your neighbours growing up, your cousins, the children of your parent’s best friends, the kid from Sunday School who happened to be your age and start at the same school for kindergarten as you. These are the people whom you have the most inside jokes with for the reason that you've spent the most time with them. Because they've known you longest, they know your past, what you've been through, all the things you dealt with growing up. They've been there for you in the past, and even if you haven't talked or spoken in a while you still hope that if you need them or they need you, that you'll still hope that if you need them or they need you that you'll still be there for each other. And in the end, it really does just come down to a matter of time.

(This next one is a concept I've been working on for a while.) 
4. The Second Class Friend, or Second Glance Friend; either one or both work. These are not your close friends, these are not the first thought friends, and these are not the friends you think to call or text on your first scroll through your address book, maybe during a second glance through though. The S.C.F.s are the easiest to reschedule or break plans with because you're not that close to begin with (right? Only if it's mutual after all). This is not the best kind of friendship as one might guess, for either of the people involved, the person who is the S.C.F. can end up feeling left out, unimportant, forgotten about, and inversely making people feel those things is a pretty shitty thing to do to people. They may not end up being all that close to you, but they are still people none the less. As much as people might not be your best friends, or close friends, it doesn't mean that they have to feel lesser or second class, the primary word is friend after all.

5. Facebook Friends (I feel oh so tempted to just leave that one just as it was, and add no explanation behind it, but I do also feel as though that would be a bit of a cop out.) Unlike the S.C.F. there is no doubt about the level of friendship between you two, you have no filter on who your Facebook Friends are, you can collect Facebook Friends. In the long run this might seem harsh but Facebook Friends are inconsequential, they can run the gamut from people that you once met at a concert, to people you worked with for a month, to those people you went to high school with and don't talk to. 

6. On to Work Friends. Common misconception is that you don't actually have to work with your Work Friends. These are the friends of convenience, you might work with them, you might have a class with them, or even just live near them. This is a friendship precipitated on proximity. You befriend these people as a means of survival, to not rock the boat, or to even just combat the monotony of everyday life. These are basically entry level friends. Because there's the most growth potential there, these are the people you tend to spend a decent amount of time with. This is all of course within which ever given social construct that brought you together, you don't tend to spend much if anytime outside of the social construct with these given people.

7. Lastly Internet Friends. These are not conventional friendships, you don’t have to have necessarily met these friends, but they also don't have to be from the internet either. The term Internet Friends can encompass pen pals. These are distant friends, but not necessarily physical distance. But even if it isn't a physical distance, you don't spend physical time with these friends. These friendships are not immediate, meaning that you can't have the same communication expectations of these friends as others, you have to give your internet friends time to reply, time to read what you need replied to. In saying this it does not mean that you can't get close to your internet friends or that they can't be relied upon because they can be, but you can't just call them up in the same way you would with a close friend. But they can also be your most patient of friends, because in the same way that you can wait for them, they wait for you. They don't tend to leave overly easily and they tend to be quick to hop back into an old rhythm after a long period of not talking. They are good friends to have, but not if they happen to be your only friends.

Finally, Acquaintances. Now I know I said 7 types of friends, and acquaintances makes 8, but acquaintances aren't your friends. They are people you know, or have met maybe once or twice before. They are pre-friends, they are those people you work with and don't want to be friends with but put up with them because you feel obligated to, they are even the person you made out with that one time at a party. But in general the interesting thing about acquaintances is that they are not as the word implies, quaint, they don't tend to last, they fade into the void. In saying all this I should make sure to reassure you that you are not unfriendly towards these people but they are wholly not your friends. I don't want to say that they don't matter, but it's just that they don't matter to you, just yet, they could but they also couldn't. I swear I am not trying to make the existence of acquaintances sound bleak, but if I am explaining the types of friendships I feel as though I would be amiss if I were not to mention them.

Now, I am sure I didn't cover every single possible type of friendship because they are many and varied and as "predictable" as human behaviour might be, it is strange weird and confusing, and therefore cannot necessarily be defined in average terms. But hopefully, this helps in some way, maybe just informs, but maybe not help per say. I wrote this to help illustrate that non-romantic relationships can be just as weird and complicated as romantic ones, once again because people are weird. And if anyone tells you otherwise they are wrong.

Post Script: As you can see beginnings and endings are still not my strong suit in writing these. But I am writing, and that's what truly matters in the end.

The Single Parent Conundrum.

So this will serve as my second letter to/for people on dating sites... well kind of. This is about dating single parents, inspired by the fact that a decent majority of people on dating sites happen to be single parents.  Now me not being a parent of any sort myself, and yet having been raised by a single parent, I feel as though I can provide a different perspective on this topic.

I grew up in a single parent household in the time before internet dating was even a thing. Before the internet was even a big thing. But my mom still did date, now not initially that I can remember, but she did date. And there's absolutely nothing wrong with single parents dating, the pursuit of romantic love and companionship is not limited to childless people. If you've got a babysitter (assuming that they are young enough to need one) and some free time then you deserve to go out and have a little fun, everybody needs a little me time now and then.

So I am on a couple of dating sites, which I possibly have mentioned before, and thus I have come across the fact that they appear to be primarily populated by single parents. And therefore I find myself facing a decision where I could potentially limit myself or not be a dirt bag and be open to dating a single mom. That being said, I know for a fact that personally I am not finding myself ready to be a parent quite yet. But I still have no issues with dating a single mom, and at this point you might be asking how that might work exactly. Though I do have a couple rules in association to this point.

1) I don't want to intentionally meet your children.

• I know this would mean that you will be constrained greatly by time. Because they come first. Absolutely.
• This does not mean that I never want to meet them, it is just not yet.

Reasoning: People tend to form connections with other people both kids and adults. If it doesn't end up working out, I wouldn't want your kid to have to deal with a broken connection that they cannot fully comprehend. They already have to deal with that considering that their parents are no longer together.

Exemptions: 

• Unintentional or accidental meetings, because of course things happen.
• We have something real; no real isn't the right word. Something serious, something noticeably not short term. I can't put a timeline on this, but, I mean I'm thinking a minimum of 6 months, maybe even a year.

2) I don't want to replace your child's father.

• Depending on the circumstances surrounding your separation having both parents involved is beneficial or so I hear.
• This does not mean I think you should get back together with your ex just to raise your kid(s). But you really shouldn't be dating to try and find a potential replacement or substitute parent.

Reasoning: As mentioned before both parents deserve to be involved depending on certain circumstances of course. Those circumstances being; them being around, wanting to be involved, and not being abusive. Also if the child does not respect the person that you're trying to introduce into their lives, they won't end up respecting them as any form of parental unit, which might seem normal if they were say a teenager, but not so much if they're younger than that.

Exemptions:

• Adoption when/if the child is okay with it.
• The child is a young infant, before concrete memories form. Or if you are involved pre-birth and the other parent does not want to be involved in any capacity. (May be going contrary to the above mentioned 1).)

3) (Not so much a rule as a guideline) At a young age we are taught to share our toys, but that's not always the easiest thing to do, and sometimes it is. But the problem is that people aren't toys, well not so much a problem but a truth, and therefore they are much harder to share. This rings especially true if you haven't had to share them before. (As I am writing this I realise that this is not only about children having to share a parent for the first time but could very well be about the adults). It is especially hard for a child to have to share a parent for the first time though. This is because before this it was only you and them. And the thing about kids is that they are a lot smarter than adults give them credit for. If their comfort is threatened they will do whatever they can to return it to what they view as normal. Change is difficult, especially at a young age. They can become bratty, jealous, uncooperative, and do whatever they can to sabotage the situation. The situation can worsen if both parents are single parents, because then the child will not only feel threatened by the other adult but there will also be another child  to compete for attention, which is exactly what it will seem and look like.

Now onto story time. I am going to give actual examples of my mom's ex-boyfriends as I remember them. All I ask is don't judge her based on the people she's dated. I will not be using their real names for obvious reasons.

First. I'm gonna tell you about Ichi. From the best of my memory Ichi didn't last overly long, and I was introduced to him probably far too early. I thought he was cool, he played guitar at church and was always willing to help me out, he seemed nice. But I was introduced to him too early, also was quite young at the time, so I can remember him in a good light. When I was older, significantly, I asked her what happened, and it turns out he was controlling, he wanted her to stay cloistered, and he tried to keep her isolated from the people around her. So needless to say, he was a douche canoe and I am glad he's not in her life anymore. 

Second, I guess I have to talk about Ni. He was in our life the longest. I want to say it was about three and a half years we ended up living with him, I think, it was a significant amount of time anyway. He tried to be a replacement for an absentee parent. By the time he had entered my life I felt no need for a "father" my mom did a great job by herself. I should also mention at the beginning, pre-move in I was only a child, old enough to know I didn't need a "father" but young enough that I did get bratty and uncooperative, because he already had three kids at the time. It didn't really help that at the announcement of the impending move-in it was combined with my mom announcing that she was pregnant. But my brother did come out of their relationship, so that is a plus, but inversely he was verbally abusive, detrimental to my self-esteem at a pivotal time in my developmental life. Not to mention that if there was someone who could be considered a professional victim, it would be him. And very happily he is mostly no longer in our lives,

Third, would be San. San started a trend of my mom dating good guys. He was nice, had a good job, non-abusive, and an appropriate sense of humour. Needless to say, he was a good choice, the problem was that he had an only child around my brother's age, and since my brother was used to sharing my mom with me, and he did and still does have a relationship with his father, so it's not as though San was trying to fill that "void' in either of our lives. But that didn't change it, his daughter's unwillingness to share him, it having been a long distance relationship, and he wanting to spend more time with his daughter resulted in the crumbling of their relationship.

So, that's a thing I decided to share. But I hope that this doesn't dissuade anyone from pursuing a relationship with a single parent or single parents from dating. I feel like I should also mention that though I only shared stories of my mom's failed relationships, she is currently in a rather successful one and has been for several years. He is a wonderful man, so don't give up on looking for that someone special. 

Post Script: Sorry if this post turned out to be a bit of a downer. Was it a downer? I don't know. It had a bright ending so I think it was good, but I also wrote it but you know. This post was certainly longer than I had expected it to be. Also Ichi, Ni, and San are the Japanese words for one, two, and three. There is no significance in my choosing of their names.

Terms of Endearment are Stupid

Now coming from me where I've written several posts on the nicknames I've given to friends, terms of endearment might seem like something that I’d be all for but I’m not, the opposite actually. I mean what can be said about terms of endearment? They’re not cute or cunning; they’re annoying and stupid, ridiculous and unoriginal. Over the years they've changed and evolved, but one thing they've kept is that they’re supposed to be used in a loving way…

But that all changed when the Fire Nation attacked, except not really, though it has been changing progressively. Because now you can hear in commonplace “bitch” or just “woman” being used, and not with a negative tone. They are now used in the same manner that sweetie or dear were once used. When did this change? When did calling someone a “bitch” become something good? But the change of usage was not reclamation or a re-purposing of those words, because had that been the case it would have been an absolute one. Whereas “bitch“is still an angry word as well as an insulting one word as well. This change had to have come from somewhere, and my theory is that this change is rooted in mainstream rap and hip-hop music. To quote Bo Burnham “I feel like hip hop used to be a voice for the voiceless, you know, and now it’s become at least in  the mainstream  a symbol of misogyny” and this just proves I am not the only one who thinks this way. But even if this started in hip hop now the lyrics in other musical genres have taken to being corrupted with misogynistic slurs. This has only lead to the further support of negative language in commonplace society.

Now you might be thinking that having just that reason as to why I believe terms of endearment are stupid, and guess what, that’s not the only reason.

But just think about those “cutesy” pet names, you've got baby, babe, honey, muffin, dear, Snookums, etc. So you know, comparisons to infants, or foods, actually dear isn't that bad, I think it’s the only acceptable one. But even then it is still non-personal, quite generic, and it makes me think I should swerve out of the way (dear and deer, get it). Then there is Snookums or similar pet names, they always remind me of those names that Aunt Petunia call Dudley, and I mean who wants to be Dudley anyway? And comparing your romantic partner (RP) to an infant is wrong, and it’s not just the pedophilic undertones. Also it gives a sense of helplessness or weakness in your RP. And you are supposed to strengthen them not bring them down. The food comparison is less harsh though you could attribute calling your RP food names a desire to either consume all that you can from them. Or they could also get from it that you feel like you need you RP to survive and neediness is never a good thing to project in a relationship. So those “cutesy” pet names, if you didn’t realize it by now are demeaning, and are not particularly healthy for relationships or even potential ones.

Post Script: Though I said dear was acceptable, being greeted with “Hello Sweetie” also is acceptable but only if they know they are quoting Doctor Who. Also as you can probably tell I am really bad at posting things, this was supposed to be for around Valentines Day.

The Traveler Letters

So this is something that I have thought about doing for a while. Sharing with you not advice, or rules, or opinions or anything like that. But today I am choosing to share with you a morsel of one of my friendships. And today I will tell you of the Traveler Letters.

Okay, so to start I will explain a little more. I will not be using the real names of my friends, but instead I will be using nicknames, or titles that I have given them. And most of them don't even know that I have done this. And even then I do nit do this for all my friends, but only for those whom I believe have had a good impact on my life.

So, since around mid 2012 I have been writing letters to The Traveler. (He is not named as such because he is constantly traveling, but because I have been around, noticed and still noticing his travels and growth in life. I'm not even sure is he knows that is one of the reasons I gave him that title.) Now in these letters we discuss all matters of both little things and much larger things. We've talked about books, and girls, of our future plans and present activities, and so much more. Needless to say, the Traveler Letters are very important to me, and reading and writing them are some of my favourite things to do.

Some more explanation. As mentioned in my old post entitled "Community" I've moved around a bit, and so building and maintaining friendships have not been the easiest of things in the world for me. But now living in the digital age as we do this has become easier to do. With Facebook, instant messaging, texting, and the like you don't have to live in the same place to do that anymore. But in opposition to this short little burst messages and internet abbreviations are not the best for growing friendships. But then there are e-mails, which is actually what the Traveler Letters actually are. (Now I think of them as letters because I first actually write them out pencil and paper before typing them out and sending them to him.)

Now a bit about me and the Traveler. I have known him since I was in the midst of puberty and he was prepubescent, I can't remember our exact ages, but he had a significantly smaller amount of both hair and height than he does now, and I could not yet grow a full beard or even a proper goatee yet. But before 2010 we had never actually lived in the same town, or even next town over. His parents looked after my summer camp during the off season. But none the less, I've seen him grow up and I'd like to think that he has seen me grow up. I count him as one of my closer friends and greater confidants (one of the reasons I do the Traveler Letters).

So, Traveler when you read this, and I hope you have been reading these lately, I thank you. Our letters help keep me myself, they help me stay grounded, and where I like to be emotionally and mentally.

Post Script: I hope posting on Mondays works for people. Next week I will be telling you about another one of my friends, but after that I will probably be interchanging them with other posts.

Five Thousand Three Hundred and Thirty Three characters. (Blog Of Love.)

In the spring of my eighteenth year I had this fascination with trying to analyze and explain love. Though in all honesty it was more for the purpose of convincing myself that love is not all bad and is something that I want and deserve. Now the love I am talking about is people love, the love either between two people, or the love one person has for another not the kind of love someone has for say their favourite food. From there I catagorised love in three different ways: Social, Familial, and Romantic.

Social love is the kind of love you have in association to social relationships “friendships”. The love shared between close friends, the friends that you can tell anything to, rely and depend on, the friends that you are not afraid to be yourself around because that’s what they expect of you. Familiar love is that which pertains to family. It is almost semi-obligatory sort of love, because no matter how mad they make you, or even if you claim to hate them, you still even if it is only subconsciously you always love your family. Now I should clarify or add that this is within reason I am not saying that every family has love in it, also I should mention that family transcends blood because there’s more to being family than sharing blood. Finally, romantic love, now I don’t mean the overly media saturated physical “love”. This is one of the problems in today’s society, love is an overused word also often misused meant to either receive physical gain or as some sort of manipulation tool. The media also has transformed romantic love into something that is needed to be happy, where as you don’t, you can easily be happy without being in a romantic relationship. But romantic love is just more than the love of friends, more than the obligatory love of family, because romantic love is not obligatory or compulsory it is a very natural and involuntary action. To paraphrase John Green “falling in love is like falling asleep: slowly, and then all at once.”

Now let’s talk about falling in romantic love, to be precise the physical effects and sometimes dependency in relation to falling in love. The results could end up being an addictive substance, not by any means comparable to caffeine, tobacco, controlled and illegal substances or alcohol (Yes, I do consider alcohol to be an addictive substance). Basically it is in the same category as any substance that has an effect on one’s neurochemistry. When it comes to falling in love it is the addiction to a combination of three specific chemicals that effect neurochemistry.

-Phenyl ethylamine: speeds up the flow of information between nerve cells.

-Dopamine: feel good chemical.

-Norepinephrine: stimulates adrenaline production, makes heart race faster.

This blend of these chemicals is what is known commonly as the “falling in love” stage of romantic relationships. The stimulation of that chemical combination can actually override the part of the brain that controls logical thinking. I have an issue with the addiction to this chemical concoction, and how this makes people almost dependent on being involved in romantic relationships to make themselves happy, and as a result when they aren’t in a romantic relationship they lose their sense of “self”, all they want is to be in a relationship and there can be no substitute for them having that feeling. These people hop easily from one relationship to another only ever getting through this first stage of a relationship. This helps promote the societal view that to be happy you need to be in a romantic relationship, which is completely false. The possible results of this are that they much like any other addict want more and then once it reaches the point in which the feelings change and the “high” wears off they believe that they have “fallen out of love” or they go the other way and they continue on with it, allowing the relationship to progress past the initial stage. But this could result in the relationship being either co-dependent or one member being heavily emotionally dependent on the other, whereas in a healthy relationship should be neither, but they should be independent partners.

Now, that could have seemed very negative and I have yet to discuss the power that love holds. If there is no power in love then it would not have anywhere near the same effect on us that it does. But perhaps the power love has is all due to us giving it that power. When you think about it, love can give you strength to do many things; inversely love can break a person beyond repair, and then turn around and fix it all. “Because when you love someone there’s no limit to what you can accomplish.” This quote from the TV show Kyle XY implies that there is some hidden power in love. This further explains how much power love holds, this shows that love has the power to make mountains crumble. Now, let us look at the saying “Time heals all wounds,” now in many ways this could very well be true but as I see it this does not apply to “firsts” (To be clear, firsts, first person you’re in love with, first person to break your heart, and first person you sleep with).  This is or course within reason but, you don’t generally forget your “firsts” because they are the ones who set down the initial framework for the future. Forgetting and/or getting over your “firsts” is one of the hardest things a person can go through in the scope of romantic relationships, and yet what is implied is that what it takes for this to happen is time. Now how I see it is not time that helps get you over your “firsts” but what really helps if finding that one person. But I want to be clear that finding that person should not be your driving force or ultimate priority. Because even though I said that finding that one person will help you finally get over your “firsts”, friends will help greatly and being with your friends a whole lot easier than finding a new person to be in a romantic relationship with.

The questions of love.

Is love for me? Can I even be in love? Or will I just hurt them as they try to love me? Is this what I want? Do I really want to open myself up for pain, depression, anger or sadness all in hopes that it turns out differently.

The decision to choose to love or allow yourself to be loved belongs to each person.

Post Script: Love is a natural force much like gravity, we as people cannot limit it. We should strive to let love flow, not try to control it, but adequately navigate it. As if we were a leaf in the wind getting.