Nostalgically Romantic

So I thought of this concept earlier last week when something happened. I saw someone on last Wednesday that I haven't see in many years, and she got me thinking. Of course it was a woman who got me thinking, but this one is a little special, and not because anything special happened between us, but because she was my first... non-celebrity crush.

Now I could go on about her, and I will a little because it will help me make my future point. She was one of the popular girls, I was the bullied kid, but she was really nice to me. I thought she was cute, and still is. Her and her family just like mine weren't the richest or most privileged, she was also for a while there the girl next door well across the street, well it wasn't really a street she lived across from me in this low income housing complex. (Yes, I do know how cliché I that was; I don't apologize for being young).

Okay, back to my original concept of being nostalgically romantic, or nostalgically attracted to someone. But actually it is quite simple. Nostalgia: pleasure and sadness that is caused by remembering something from the past and wishing that you could experience it again. And so seeing someone you were once romantically interested after a period of time, it will occasionally stir something inside you that can make you think once again that you should possibly date them. I mean this is the same concept behind people getting back with their previously dumped romantic partners, or at least one of the things behind it. I mean getting back together with a previously dumped romantic partner usually doesn't end well unless there has been a complete shift in one or both of the people involved. You did break up for a reason so unless that reason changed DON'T, especially if that reason was cheating. But if these feelings are not acted upon or assumed unrequited, then as long as the two people are single I don't see why it isn't possible for them to act on say a high school crush, years after high school has ended (or in my case an elementary/primary school crush many years after elementary school has ended). I mean you also have to consider that if you are not currently in a romantic partnership, haven't had a potential romantic partnership in a while, or even are unhappy in your current romantic partnership, what you're feeling isn't actually real and what you're just feeling what you once had because you miss it. I'm not sure if I've said this here before but being in a romantic partnership for the sake of being in a romantic partnership is not a good idea, there should always be an end game in sight. Unless of course it is just a physical thing then it is not a romantic partnership, it is a physical relationship. 

It is possible that this is in some way related to "The one that got away," though I've always seen that as being someone you've previously been involved with in some way and it was the opposing partner had ended it where you didn't want it to end. And I know I am repeating myself, but unless there has been some sort of change in either yourself or you previously dumped romantic partner, don't just DON'T get back together with them. Also there are the people who think "The one that got away" is that one person you wanted to but didn't "score" with, which is ridiculous. Like there's a list of people you "need" to sleep with to feel whole or something, it is okay to only have ever slept with one person, or no people, or one hundred people. 

Post Script: It's pretty bad, I haven't spoken to her in over 10 years. It's pretty bad, I really need to get myself a crush.

Loss...

I have a hard time crying in front of people, and this is for purely a vain reason. Crying is not a nice thing to do or to look at. But today, I did, I couldn't help myself. I lost someone very close to me today. Now it's not that I didn't see this coming, he was 16 years old and for a male house cat that is definitely not young. Also over the past year he slowed down, and his ability to climb stairs and onto the couch diminished greatly, he lost the ability to contract some of his claws, and near the end of May, he had a major seizure and since then I noticed yesterday that he had lost weight and wasn't cleaning himself as thoroughly as he used to. Also I knew this was coming when my mom told me that she had made the appointment to have him released from his pain and that was today. So this afternoon me and my mom put him in his cat carrier and took him to the vet, and before I even got out of the car, my mom handed me a napkin because I had already started crying. And even though with knowing that this was going to happen and time to prepare for this I still felt the entirety of this. The pain of loss is not something that you can appropriately suppress.

So my cat, he was more than just a pet, he was a member of our family. Here’s a little perspective. I have a brother and he is 15 so we've had Spunky (the cat) for a little longer than he has been out of the womb. He's been with us through every family move from city to city we've done and he's lived everywhere that I've lived. Not to mention that he was my first pet.

He did live a long and full life; he lived in four different towns and even more different houses. He fought a wild raccoon and won, he brought a multitude of birds, snakes, and mice to our door step as thank you gifts. He had a great hunters' spirit when he needed it but he also was always there to snuggle up and meet anyone who came through the door. He never brought home fleas, and would always try and clean out my beard whenever I've had one. He was the kitty that did it.

There's no doubt in my mind that he will be missed and that I will remember him always.

Post Script:

This is the best tribute I could bring myself to make. It is just really hard.