I know this might seem like I am making excuses...

But there is once again no proper post this week. There has been a death in the family.

I'm Sorry.

I'm sorry, there is no proper post today. This passed weekend was Canadian Thanksgiving and my mom drove down for a couple days, so needless to say, I've been busy. Too busy to get something finished and posted. It happens sometimes, but I should be back next week.

Loss...

I have a hard time crying in front of people, and this is for purely a vain reason. Crying is not a nice thing to do or to look at. But today, I did, I couldn't help myself. I lost someone very close to me today. Now it's not that I didn't see this coming, he was 16 years old and for a male house cat that is definitely not young. Also over the past year he slowed down, and his ability to climb stairs and onto the couch diminished greatly, he lost the ability to contract some of his claws, and near the end of May, he had a major seizure and since then I noticed yesterday that he had lost weight and wasn't cleaning himself as thoroughly as he used to. Also I knew this was coming when my mom told me that she had made the appointment to have him released from his pain and that was today. So this afternoon me and my mom put him in his cat carrier and took him to the vet, and before I even got out of the car, my mom handed me a napkin because I had already started crying. And even though with knowing that this was going to happen and time to prepare for this I still felt the entirety of this. The pain of loss is not something that you can appropriately suppress.

So my cat, he was more than just a pet, he was a member of our family. Here’s a little perspective. I have a brother and he is 15 so we've had Spunky (the cat) for a little longer than he has been out of the womb. He's been with us through every family move from city to city we've done and he's lived everywhere that I've lived. Not to mention that he was my first pet.

He did live a long and full life; he lived in four different towns and even more different houses. He fought a wild raccoon and won, he brought a multitude of birds, snakes, and mice to our door step as thank you gifts. He had a great hunters' spirit when he needed it but he also was always there to snuggle up and meet anyone who came through the door. He never brought home fleas, and would always try and clean out my beard whenever I've had one. He was the kitty that did it.

There's no doubt in my mind that he will be missed and that I will remember him always.

Post Script:

This is the best tribute I could bring myself to make. It is just really hard.

Five Thousand Three Hundred and Thirty Three characters. (Blog Of Love.)

In the spring of my eighteenth year I had this fascination with trying to analyze and explain love. Though in all honesty it was more for the purpose of convincing myself that love is not all bad and is something that I want and deserve. Now the love I am talking about is people love, the love either between two people, or the love one person has for another not the kind of love someone has for say their favourite food. From there I catagorised love in three different ways: Social, Familial, and Romantic.

Social love is the kind of love you have in association to social relationships “friendships”. The love shared between close friends, the friends that you can tell anything to, rely and depend on, the friends that you are not afraid to be yourself around because that’s what they expect of you. Familiar love is that which pertains to family. It is almost semi-obligatory sort of love, because no matter how mad they make you, or even if you claim to hate them, you still even if it is only subconsciously you always love your family. Now I should clarify or add that this is within reason I am not saying that every family has love in it, also I should mention that family transcends blood because there’s more to being family than sharing blood. Finally, romantic love, now I don’t mean the overly media saturated physical “love”. This is one of the problems in today’s society, love is an overused word also often misused meant to either receive physical gain or as some sort of manipulation tool. The media also has transformed romantic love into something that is needed to be happy, where as you don’t, you can easily be happy without being in a romantic relationship. But romantic love is just more than the love of friends, more than the obligatory love of family, because romantic love is not obligatory or compulsory it is a very natural and involuntary action. To paraphrase John Green “falling in love is like falling asleep: slowly, and then all at once.”

Now let’s talk about falling in romantic love, to be precise the physical effects and sometimes dependency in relation to falling in love. The results could end up being an addictive substance, not by any means comparable to caffeine, tobacco, controlled and illegal substances or alcohol (Yes, I do consider alcohol to be an addictive substance). Basically it is in the same category as any substance that has an effect on one’s neurochemistry. When it comes to falling in love it is the addiction to a combination of three specific chemicals that effect neurochemistry.

-Phenyl ethylamine: speeds up the flow of information between nerve cells.

-Dopamine: feel good chemical.

-Norepinephrine: stimulates adrenaline production, makes heart race faster.

This blend of these chemicals is what is known commonly as the “falling in love” stage of romantic relationships. The stimulation of that chemical combination can actually override the part of the brain that controls logical thinking. I have an issue with the addiction to this chemical concoction, and how this makes people almost dependent on being involved in romantic relationships to make themselves happy, and as a result when they aren’t in a romantic relationship they lose their sense of “self”, all they want is to be in a relationship and there can be no substitute for them having that feeling. These people hop easily from one relationship to another only ever getting through this first stage of a relationship. This helps promote the societal view that to be happy you need to be in a romantic relationship, which is completely false. The possible results of this are that they much like any other addict want more and then once it reaches the point in which the feelings change and the “high” wears off they believe that they have “fallen out of love” or they go the other way and they continue on with it, allowing the relationship to progress past the initial stage. But this could result in the relationship being either co-dependent or one member being heavily emotionally dependent on the other, whereas in a healthy relationship should be neither, but they should be independent partners.

Now, that could have seemed very negative and I have yet to discuss the power that love holds. If there is no power in love then it would not have anywhere near the same effect on us that it does. But perhaps the power love has is all due to us giving it that power. When you think about it, love can give you strength to do many things; inversely love can break a person beyond repair, and then turn around and fix it all. “Because when you love someone there’s no limit to what you can accomplish.” This quote from the TV show Kyle XY implies that there is some hidden power in love. This further explains how much power love holds, this shows that love has the power to make mountains crumble. Now, let us look at the saying “Time heals all wounds,” now in many ways this could very well be true but as I see it this does not apply to “firsts” (To be clear, firsts, first person you’re in love with, first person to break your heart, and first person you sleep with).  This is or course within reason but, you don’t generally forget your “firsts” because they are the ones who set down the initial framework for the future. Forgetting and/or getting over your “firsts” is one of the hardest things a person can go through in the scope of romantic relationships, and yet what is implied is that what it takes for this to happen is time. Now how I see it is not time that helps get you over your “firsts” but what really helps if finding that one person. But I want to be clear that finding that person should not be your driving force or ultimate priority. Because even though I said that finding that one person will help you finally get over your “firsts”, friends will help greatly and being with your friends a whole lot easier than finding a new person to be in a romantic relationship with.

The questions of love.

Is love for me? Can I even be in love? Or will I just hurt them as they try to love me? Is this what I want? Do I really want to open myself up for pain, depression, anger or sadness all in hopes that it turns out differently.

The decision to choose to love or allow yourself to be loved belongs to each person.

Post Script: Love is a natural force much like gravity, we as people cannot limit it. We should strive to let love flow, not try to control it, but adequately navigate it. As if we were a leaf in the wind getting.

Christmas.

Now I'm gonna go deep with you guys. I'm gonna talk about what Christmas really means to me. So I'm gonna split it up into two parts. The religious and the personal.

Now I will concede that Christmas was put where it is to probably disrupt the pagans celebrating the Winter Solstice, but I don't think that gives it any less meaning than it had before. And by saying that I believe it gives Christmas more of a "symbolic" sense rather than a religious one, which is something I disagree with. It is Christmas because it commemorates the birth of Christ after all. That is where most classic Christmas traditions come from, now I'm talking about things like the tree topper being either a star or an angel, gift giving, the basis for so many of the Carols, and much more. Then again not all traditions are based in Christianity. But then again it is the Christian Christmas that has mostly unified the winter holiday for at least the Western world, bringing together both Christians and non-Christians for a holiday that is now positively seen as being non religiously about family and generosity.

And with that unintentional segue I'm now going to talk about my more personal view of what Christmas means to me. So here I am sitting in Starbucks thinking about Christmas and several words pop into my head, and to start off I will list off some of these words. Happy, Family, Cheer, Generosity, Over Indulgence, Gifts, Together. For me this year I won't be having my Christmas on Christmas day but I will be celebrating on the 28th or 29th because for me Christmas is the time for me to be with family, that is my mom and my brother. Now we won't all be together until the 28th. I will be commemorating Christmas with some of my family in town but that is just not quite the same thing. Christmas is a celebration to be shared with family and those you love as well as those who love you. Now Christmas is a special time of the year, no matter your religion or any other distinguishing factor and for this I'd like to share another quote from a song, "Christmas, it makes way for Spring"- Relient K (Boxing Day). Now look at that quote however you wish. But how I see it, it is true both metaphorically and literally.

Post Script: Have a Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays.

Christmas traditions.

After today just one more Friday until Christmas and there are just so many things that I could talk about. And as I am writing this I am not even sure what I should talk about. And yet I do know what I am writing next week as well as my posts for pre and post New Years.

But Christmas traditions seems like it would be interesting to talk about. This is of course based on the diversity that this allows. And I'm not just talking family traditions, but personal traditions as well. I am saying this because I know that I have Christmas traditions that my mom doesn't have and vice versa. Let me give an example. Me: Christmas music starts in my headphones on November 1st, Mom: No Christmas stuff until after December 1st (except shopping), Family: Only stockings can be opened or explored before everyone else is awake.

I feel like Christmas traditions whether personal, familiar, or otherwise are crucial to giving Christmas that special feeling that helps distinguish it from other holidays. You get similar food at Thanksgiving, gift giving happens at both Birthdays, and Valentine's Day, families get together for reunions, sweets come on Halloween. So it's not the typical things that happen on Christmas that separates it from other holidays it truly is the traditions that are held by people and families that make Christmas what it is.

Sidebar. In writing this my mind went to a line in a Christmas song, "What's December without Christmas Eve" Peppermint Winter - Owl City

I get overly excited when November hits so I can start the happy sounds of Christmas music. After my birthday I know things will get sparkly and greener despite most of the leaves having already fallen off the trees. December means it is now socially acceptable for me to watch the animated "How The Grinch Stole Christmas". My house is filled with the magnificent smells of Christmas baking. These are all Christmas traditions that fill me up with the joy of Christmas. It truly is not December without Christmas.

So what are some of your Christmastime traditions?

Post Script: I feel like I should explain that my focus on Christmas and not the other holidays of this season is because I don't fit into them.